Marriage

Divorce coach offers tips to the recently divorced on jumping back into single life

Published on: November 25, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “How long does getting a divorce take?”

Going through divorce, a Seattle-based divorce coach says, is like having a bomb go off in your life. After divorce, you have to pick up the pieces, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Betsey Gutting used to assist parties through the often rancorous ups and downs of divorce proceedings. As an attorney, it was her job to advocate one party’s side. She realized, however, that almost everyone involved in divorce could use support. She learned this firsthand when her 22-year marriage ended.

So Gutting turned her energy to helping others, establishing and leading divorce support groups, which meet in the homes of divorce recovery coaches, in church basements or wherever support groups can find a safe, supportive atmosphere.

Gutting describes the recovery coach’s role as helping divorce survivors reenter the world, so to speak, as a newly-single people, establishing independent financial security, making new friends, and when the time is right beginning to date again. She recently published a book offering tips to the recently divorced titled The Magic of Saying Yes: Answering Your Heart’s True Calling.

Elvis gave sage advice when he cautioned that only fools rush in, and Gutting offers a similar directive, telling the recently divorced to listen to themselves and to establish safe boundaries. The last thing a recovering divorcee needs is discouragement on top of bereavement.

Couples skip divorce, try “conscious uncoupling” instead

Published on: November 13, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question ” I’m not getting along with my husband. We’ve been married two weeks and it was a mistake. Can’t I just get an annulment?”

Battles between advocates for same-sex marriage and defenders of traditional marriage have been dominating headlines for years. As other-than-traditional forms of marriage gain acceptance and recognition, less-than-traditional modes of splitting up are gaining traction as well.

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow and rock ‘n’ roll singer Chris Martin popularized the term “conscious uncoupling” when the pair split up earlier this year. While the pair appear to remain married by legal standards, they are living apart and dating other people, though they continue to cooperate on raising their children and, presumably, on matters related to property they share.

That is about how Clark and Valerie Tate are approaching their conscious uncoupling. They have not divorced, and they still live together in the same house, albeit in separate bedrooms. They maintain joint assets—or marital property—but they are each allowed to date other people.

When the sparks of intimacy began to fade in their marriage, the Tates knew they did not want to upset the structure of their family unit, which then as now revolved around their son. Clark Tate, who had been married twice before marrying Valerie, said he was familiar with the divorce process and did not want to go down that road again.

So, Valerie said, the couple began talking about the idea of dating other people. Clark said he was shocked by the idea initially, but over time he grew interested in the prospect of an amicable split.

Parties seeking alimony facing a tougher road in divorce courts

Published on: October 30, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “When do you get alimony?”

Stay-at-home moms are facing a tougher road in divorce courts, as judges and state legislatures move to limit the both the amount of support payments and the period of time during which payments can be doled out.

New York City divorce attorney Morghan Richardson said judges are beginning to view women as having the same opportunities to earn a living as men. This thinking applies to stay-at-home moms—even those who may not have worked in a decade or two.

Just three-percent of persons receiving alimony in 2010 were men. While women made up the vast majority of those receiving alimony, they also outstripped men in many college and professional degrees, in some careers and, in some instances, in compensation.

With three-fourths of women now in the workforce and almost half of families led by a woman wage-earner, more and more attorneys and litigants are seeing homemakers seeking alimony admonished by judges who believe their decision not to seek employment was foolhardy.

Richardson said some stay-at-home moms “sometimes have a real sense of entitlement about the decision to stay home.” She said divorce judges, however, have little sympathy for women who quit their jobs to stay at home and raise a family. Some of those judges, Richardson said, are women who had to put their own children in daycare to work their way up to the bench.

Sugar daddies and babies seek arrangements outside of marriage in growing numbers

Published on: October 28, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What does uncontested divorce mean?”

As same-sex couples in the Tar Heel State and elsewhere fight in courts and legislatures for the right to marry, other people have been seeking “mutually beneficial” relationships short of marriage.

According to the chief executive officer of one Charlotte company that links older men looking for “love” with young women looking for money, the “sugar daddy” business is booming.

Brandon Wade, founder of SeekingArrangement.com, told WBTV that a “sugar daddy” is a man who is both successful and generous and who is willing to foot the bill for a high-class lifestyle for a young, attractive person, in exchange for that person’s friendship or companionship. Data gathered by SeekingArrangement shows that about one per every 250 Charlotte men is a sugar daddy.

Old is, as the saying goes, in the eye of the beholder, and the average sugar daddy may not be as old as some suspect. Wade said the average North American sugar daddy is about 44-years-old and has a net worth of just under $8 million. On average, sugar daddies spend about $4,000 per month on their sugar babies.

Charlotte-area sugar daddies make around $250,000 per year and are worth some $4.1 million, on average. They spend just over $3,000 per month on their sugar babies.

State threatens officials who refuse same-sex marriages with civil, criminal penalties

Published on: October 23, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

A memo has been sent by North Carolina’s Administrative Office of the Courts to all magistrates, judges and court clerks in the Tar Heel State warning that if they refuse to officiate same-sex weddings, they may be suspended, removed from office, and may face criminal charges.

According to the memo, refusing to perform same-sex weddings is a willful violation of a magistrate’s duty to uphold the Constitution of the United States.

At least three magistrates in North Carolina have refused to officiate same-sex weddings. On Monday, a magistrate in Elizabeth City refused to perform a marriage ceremony for a male couple. Another magistrate married the couple Tuesday, and according to the Daily Advance, the now-married men do not plan to file a formal complaint against the magistrate who refused them service.

A magistrate in Rockingham County quit his job because he said performing same-sex wedding ceremonies would violate his religious beliefs, according to the Raleigh News & Observer. The Times News reported that an Alamance County magistrate refused to perform same-sex marriages and expected to be out of a job because of the refusal.

The memo from the Administrative Office of the Courts warns that magistrates who “willfully omit, neglect or refuse to discharge any of” their duties “shall be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor.”

“War on women” hits close to home for one congressman’s estranged wife

Published on: October 21, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “How can an attorney help me with my Divorce or Separation in North Carolina?”

Congressman Alan Grayson’s war on one woman has taken an ugly turn, with Grayson’s attorney slamming his estranged wife as being a “poor housekeeper” for allowing the condition of the Florida Democrat’s 5,300 square-foot home to become “horrible.”

Grayson, the United States Representative for Florida’s 9^th District, has “called out” Republican political opponents for waging a war “against all of the women in this country.” According to Grayson, the gullible, Confederate flag-waving bigots in the Grand Old Party oppose so-called “equal pay” laws and abortion, and that means they are in a war against women.

That imagined war has become all-too-real for Lolita Grayson, Rep. Grayson’s estranged wife. She claims that Rep. Grayson has failed to pay for repairs and upkeep on the Orlando home she shares with the couple’s four children. Mrs. Grayson alleges in court filings that the home’s roof is leaking, and broken windows are allowing rainwater to penetrate the interior of the home, which has led to a significant mold problem.

Rep. Grayson’s attorney calls the accusations false, saying the congressman spends more than $10,000 per month on the home’s mortgage, child support, utilities and household expenses.

Second N.C. judge strikes down marriage ban, dismisses same-sex adoption actions

Published on: October 16, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Who pays for the children’s health insurance and co-pays?”

North Carolina’s ban on same-sex marriage took another blow on Wednesday. United States District Court Judge William L. Osteen, Jr. ruled that the Tar Heel State’s 2012 state constitutional amendment prohibiting same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.

Judge Osteen ruled that the state could not prevent same-sex couples from marrying and could not prohibit the recognition of lawful same-sex marriages consummated in other states. Judge Osteen enjoined the state and its officers from enforcing the same-sex marriage ban. Attorney General Roy Cooper already announced this past July that he would not enforce the ban.

Judge Osteen dismissed claims brought by six same-sex couples “concerning the adoption laws of North Carolina.” In their complaint in Fisher-Borne v. Smith, et al., the couples alleged that so-called “second parent adoption is the only way that a family in North Carolina with gay or lesbian parents can ensure that both parents have a legal relationship with the child” and enjoy the benefits and protections “of a legally-recognized parent-child relationship with both parents.”

Plaintiffs Marcie and Chantelle Fisher-Borne of Durham alleged that their children faced potential exclusion from private or public health benefits, veterans’ benefits, disability or social security benefits, life insurance benefits and workers’ compensation benefits. Marcie gave birth to six-year-old Miley, while Chantelle gave birth to two-year-old Elijah. To date, North Carolina law has prohibited Marcie from adopting Elijah and has prevented Chantelle from adopting Miley.

The North Carolina Supreme Court upheld the prohibition on second parent adoptions in 2010 in Boseman v. Jarrell, a case that arose out of a child-custody dispute involving former North Carolina State Senator Julia Boseman and her former partner.

Same-sex is marriage legal in North Carolina; what comes next?

Published on: October 14, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

Buncombe County Registrar Drew Reisinger stayed at work late this past Friday to issue a marriage license to Amy Cantrell and Lauren White. Cantrell and White became the first same-sex couple in Buncombe County to be married after United States District Court Judge Max O. Cogburn, Jr. struck down the Tar Heel State’s same-sex marriage ban. Cogburn’s order came a little after 5:00 p.m. Friday.

Reisinger stayed on after closing time to issue marriage licenses to Cantrell, White and 19 other couples. He said it had been heartbreaking to have to deny licenses to same-sex couples “based on discriminatory laws” and that it was an honor to finally be able to say yes.

Cogburn ruled that “North Carolina’s laws prohibiting same-sex marriage are unconstitutional as a matter of law.” Cogburn is a judge in North Carolina’s Federal Western District, however North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper told reporters Friday that Cogburn’s ruling applies statewide.

Within minutes of Cogburn’s order, register of deeds offices statewide became the focal point for the legal, social and political surge in favor of same-sex marriage. The Asheville-Citizen Times reported that “couples who brought ministers with them began exchanging their vows on the steps outside the register of deeds” while other couples lined up at the counter inside to obtain licenses.

High court’s inaction means same-sex marriage coming to NC by end of this week

Published on: October 7, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

The Charlotte Observer is reporting that same-sex marriage could be legal soon in North Carolina—by the end of this week!

Virginia put the issue to its voters eight years ago, and 57-percent of Virginians voted to amend that state’s constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman. The Virginia amendment also forbade the state from recognizing same-sex marriages formalized in other states.

North Carolina law has always defined “A valid sufficient marriage” as one “created by the consent of a male and female person.” Voters in the Tar Heel state sought to eliminate any doubt about their stance on the issue in 2012, voting 61-percent to 38-percent in favor of a state constitutional amendment that defines marriage as between one man and one woman and bans any other type of civil union or domestic partnership.

Virginia’s amendment—passed eight years ago—has seen its legal challenges litigated all the way to United States Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit—the highest appellate court to consider cases from that state short of the United States Supreme Court. The Fourth Circuit struck down Virginia’s amendment, ruling that the ban violated gay couples’ fundamental right to marry.

Studies show U.S. marriage rate declining, especially for younger Americans

Published on: September 25, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Board Certified Family Law Specialist Matt Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What does uncontested divorce mean?”

A record one-in-five adults aged 25 or older had never been married as of 2012, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of census data. That’s double the amount of never-married adults from 1960. What happened?

Pew blames “a variety of reasons,” but places its emphasis on the economy, which it says has grown slowly and unequally in recent decades. Median hourly wages for men ages 25 to 34 have declined 20-percent since 1980 “in real terms.” Real terms means that even though the amount of money men in that age group earn may have increased, the cost of everything else—of living—means that more money actually buys them less.

Economic woes have shrunk the “pool of available employed men,” and those are the ones that 80-percent of never-married women say they want. These women want a man who has a steady job. But women are the ones whose educational achievement and labor-force participation rate continue to rise.

That has created a deficit in the number of employed, available men per 100 women. In 1960, the number of employed, available men per 100 women in the 25 to 34 age group was 139. By 2012, that number had sunk to 91. Of course, never-married women can select their mates from other pools of available men such as older men or divorcees.