Child Support

“Smart” people capable of DIY divorce, writer says

Published on: December 23, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Can I get the judge to order my spouse to pay my attorney’s fees in a property division case?”

The Huffington Post has identified what it describes as “a narrow group of smart, rational and reasonable individuals” who will join the flood of people all over the country starting the New Year by ending their marital relationships. It is, after all, the busiest time of year for divorce lawyers; however, these “smart, rational and reasonable” individuals will not be joining the flood of phone calls to divorce lawyers’ offices.

Diane L. Danois, J.D., says smart people don’t need divorce lawyers. First, she argues, much of family law is form-based, and most of the forms are available online at no cost. Even samples of Separation Agreements, Property Agreements and Custody Agreements can be found online and tailored—by “smart, rational and reasonable” individuals—to fit an individual couple’s needs.

As for property division, Danois says, financial affidavits guide couples through the steps of disclosing and labeling assets and liabilities. Smart people can figure out what martial property is, presumably. The assumption Ms. Danois appears to make, however, is that parties to marital relationships all have sharing, cooperative attitudes. Many people end up in my office, however, because of their spouses’ uncooperative and—at times—abusive and controlling attitudes. They need advocates to stand up for them because they feel intimidated by a spouse and by the legal system.

Of course, uncooperative, controlling, manipulative spouses would likely not fit under Ms. Danois’ definition of “smart, rational and reasonable” individuals, so perhaps the couples in need of divorce lawyers—by asserting the opposite of the premise—are those which feature at least one spouse who is uncooperative, or not “smart.”

Parenting site offers holiday happiness tips for divorced dads

Published on: December 9, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

Holidays are all about tradition, and as Heather Gray writes for Yahoo Parenting, divorced dads can get the feeling over the holidays that “traditions don’t really exist” for them anymore.

If what a divorced dad has in mind for a happy, fulfilling holiday doesn’t square up with reality, the first step towards making a happy holiday a reality is becoming clear about exactly what a divorced dad wants. One may not—due to opposition from an ex-wife, due to legal agreements or other circumstances—be able to get everything one wants, but it is important to begin with a clear picture of what one believes happiness must include.

The worst that can happen is an ex will say no. The ex has Christmas with the kids. It’s in the custody order, that’s it.

But that’s not it, and if relations are generally amicable between a divorced dad and his ex, perhaps there is room for compromise. Maybe there is something a divorced dad can offer in return for holiday time with children. Perhaps on an upcoming weekend the children can remain with their mother instead of spending the weekend with their father, as is their custom.

Divorce professionals say children at risk unless parents tone down the acrimony

Published on: December 2, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

An organization of 6,500 divorce lawyers, mediators and therapists in England has released the results of a survey showing the effects of divorce on children, and the results have staggered even industry insiders who have long bemoaned the negative effects family separations have on young members.

The group’s director, Jo Edwards, told Yahoo Parenting that children suffer most when parents engage in angry fighting in front of them. Edwards said the effects of confrontations can be seen almost immediately, with poor test scores, the onset of eating disorders, and behavioral problems. In the long term, divorces can affect students’ performance on standardized tests, can cause children to experiment with drugs, and can affect the ability of children to develop healthy, rewarding relationships and friendships.

Edwards said that the key for parents who are going through a divorce is to not engage in conflict in the presence of children. Almost a third of children surveyed confirmed that one parent tried to turn the child against the other parent, in order to gain a leg up in the divorce proceedings. A quarter of children respondents told surveyors that one or both of their parents had tried to involve them in their marital disputes. Another quarter of respondents did not even know one or both of their parents had new romantic partners until they found out on social media.

The United Kingdom-based organization that conducted the survey—named Resolution—styles itself as promoting non-confrontational divorces and other family conflicts. The non-confrontational approach, the group believes, is a key to ensuring a divorce does not leave children with long-lasting scars.

Pediatric psychologist warns parents to trust their instincts about their children

Published on: November 20, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

Experts have been studying—and lamenting—the effects of divorce on children for decades.

Now a Los Angeles-based psychologist is warning parents—particularly those whose children are experiencing or have recently experienced a traumatic event such as a parental divorce—to keep a sharp eye out for behavioral changes in children that may warrant enrollment in therapy.

Psychologist Jeanette Raymond told Yahoo that children are not always keen to share their emotions with their parents, particularly when their parents may be seen as the cause of upset emotions.

Parents, on the other hand, seem to be just as keen on discerning their children’s emotional condition. The bottom line from Ms. Raymond is “Your gut instinct about your child is usually right.” If you suspect your child is not taking a divorce or parental split well, you may need to consider therapeutic treatment for your child.

Not every child is the same, and the circumstances that inform each child’s emotional well-being vary dramatically depending on a child’s age and surroundings, however Raymond identified a number of warning signs for parents to watch out for when going through a divorce.

Couples skip divorce, try “conscious uncoupling” instead

Published on: November 13, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question ” I’m not getting along with my husband. We’ve been married two weeks and it was a mistake. Can’t I just get an annulment?”

Battles between advocates for same-sex marriage and defenders of traditional marriage have been dominating headlines for years. As other-than-traditional forms of marriage gain acceptance and recognition, less-than-traditional modes of splitting up are gaining traction as well.

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow and rock ‘n’ roll singer Chris Martin popularized the term “conscious uncoupling” when the pair split up earlier this year. While the pair appear to remain married by legal standards, they are living apart and dating other people, though they continue to cooperate on raising their children and, presumably, on matters related to property they share.

That is about how Clark and Valerie Tate are approaching their conscious uncoupling. They have not divorced, and they still live together in the same house, albeit in separate bedrooms. They maintain joint assets—or marital property—but they are each allowed to date other people.

When the sparks of intimacy began to fade in their marriage, the Tates knew they did not want to upset the structure of their family unit, which then as now revolved around their son. Clark Tate, who had been married twice before marrying Valerie, said he was familiar with the divorce process and did not want to go down that road again.

So, Valerie said, the couple began talking about the idea of dating other people. Clark said he was shocked by the idea initially, but over time he grew interested in the prospect of an amicable split.

Divorce author offers tips on dealing with divorce lawyers

Published on: November 11, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question ” I’m considering separating from my spouse; what actions should I refrain from doing?”

Best-selling author Honoree Corder had what she described as “the great pleasure” of interviewing a slew of divorce attorneys for her new book, If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules. On Friday, she posted an article on the Huffington Post titled “3 Things Your Divorce Lawyer Isn’t Telling You.”

If you, the client, will just focus on these three things, Ms. Corder writes, you and everyone involved in your divorce “will have a more positive and effortless divorce experience.” Failing to undertake these actions will, according to Ms. Corder, make life—and your divorce—tough.

Ms. Corder encourages people contemplating or going through a divorce to prioritize paying their divorce attorney the same way they prioritize paying other bills in their lives. Attorneys with whom Ms. Corder spoke said they feel like some clients—often high-maintenance clients who question and challenge nearly everything—fail to pay their legal bills in a timely manner because they compartmentalize their lives.

On the one hand, people live their “real lives” where they have to keep up with real-life bills or else suffer consequences such as having their power or water cut off or being removed from their homes. On the other hand, people live their “divorce life,” a life in which they act irrationally, “demand unreasonable outcomes,” fail to pay their bills and yet expect their attorneys to keep moving their case along.

As Ms. Corder puts it, nice clients who pay their bills have a much easier time in the divorce process.

Author and divorcee says the key to co-parenting is considering feelings of others

Published on: November 6, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

Being a lawyer is a bit like being a parent, and that is not because a lawyer’s clients act like children. Some do, I am told, but some lawyers act like children too. When they do, I recall the sage advice given to me by an old attorney for whom I worked early on in my career.

He said: It’s not about you.

This simple piece of advice has saved me a lot of heartache over the years, and it is advice that I believe my clients and any parents can take to heart. Parents, like lawyers, advocate on behalf of a third party. In the case of parenting, the advocacy springs from a selfless kind of love parents naturally express for their offspring. In the case of lawyers, this advocacy is professional.

Parents involved in custody disputes—and the lawyers who represent them—often become involved in heated entanglements. These entanglements may spring from matters that arose before a legal case began, or they may spring from the legal actions one or more party has taken in a pending legal matter. In any case, I have learned that the best results are often obtained when parties to a lawsuit lower the temperature, take a step back, and consider the interests and positions of others.

This is the same advice Los Angeles-based family psychotherapist Katie Hurley has for divorced parents who share custody of children. The secret to successful post-divorce co-parenting, says Hurley, is becoming child-centered.

Parties seeking alimony facing a tougher road in divorce courts

Published on: October 30, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “When do you get alimony?”

Stay-at-home moms are facing a tougher road in divorce courts, as judges and state legislatures move to limit the both the amount of support payments and the period of time during which payments can be doled out.

New York City divorce attorney Morghan Richardson said judges are beginning to view women as having the same opportunities to earn a living as men. This thinking applies to stay-at-home moms—even those who may not have worked in a decade or two.

Just three-percent of persons receiving alimony in 2010 were men. While women made up the vast majority of those receiving alimony, they also outstripped men in many college and professional degrees, in some careers and, in some instances, in compensation.

With three-fourths of women now in the workforce and almost half of families led by a woman wage-earner, more and more attorneys and litigants are seeing homemakers seeking alimony admonished by judges who believe their decision not to seek employment was foolhardy.

Richardson said some stay-at-home moms “sometimes have a real sense of entitlement about the decision to stay home.” She said divorce judges, however, have little sympathy for women who quit their jobs to stay at home and raise a family. Some of those judges, Richardson said, are women who had to put their own children in daycare to work their way up to the bench.

Sugar daddies and babies seek arrangements outside of marriage in growing numbers

Published on: October 28, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What does uncontested divorce mean?”

As same-sex couples in the Tar Heel State and elsewhere fight in courts and legislatures for the right to marry, other people have been seeking “mutually beneficial” relationships short of marriage.

According to the chief executive officer of one Charlotte company that links older men looking for “love” with young women looking for money, the “sugar daddy” business is booming.

Brandon Wade, founder of SeekingArrangement.com, told WBTV that a “sugar daddy” is a man who is both successful and generous and who is willing to foot the bill for a high-class lifestyle for a young, attractive person, in exchange for that person’s friendship or companionship. Data gathered by SeekingArrangement shows that about one per every 250 Charlotte men is a sugar daddy.

Old is, as the saying goes, in the eye of the beholder, and the average sugar daddy may not be as old as some suspect. Wade said the average North American sugar daddy is about 44-years-old and has a net worth of just under $8 million. On average, sugar daddies spend about $4,000 per month on their sugar babies.

Charlotte-area sugar daddies make around $250,000 per year and are worth some $4.1 million, on average. They spend just over $3,000 per month on their sugar babies.

Second N.C. judge strikes down marriage ban, dismisses same-sex adoption actions

Published on: October 16, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Who pays for the children’s health insurance and co-pays?”

North Carolina’s ban on same-sex marriage took another blow on Wednesday. United States District Court Judge William L. Osteen, Jr. ruled that the Tar Heel State’s 2012 state constitutional amendment prohibiting same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.

Judge Osteen ruled that the state could not prevent same-sex couples from marrying and could not prohibit the recognition of lawful same-sex marriages consummated in other states. Judge Osteen enjoined the state and its officers from enforcing the same-sex marriage ban. Attorney General Roy Cooper already announced this past July that he would not enforce the ban.

Judge Osteen dismissed claims brought by six same-sex couples “concerning the adoption laws of North Carolina.” In their complaint in Fisher-Borne v. Smith, et al., the couples alleged that so-called “second parent adoption is the only way that a family in North Carolina with gay or lesbian parents can ensure that both parents have a legal relationship with the child” and enjoy the benefits and protections “of a legally-recognized parent-child relationship with both parents.”

Plaintiffs Marcie and Chantelle Fisher-Borne of Durham alleged that their children faced potential exclusion from private or public health benefits, veterans’ benefits, disability or social security benefits, life insurance benefits and workers’ compensation benefits. Marcie gave birth to six-year-old Miley, while Chantelle gave birth to two-year-old Elijah. To date, North Carolina law has prohibited Marcie from adopting Elijah and has prevented Chantelle from adopting Miley.

The North Carolina Supreme Court upheld the prohibition on second parent adoptions in 2010 in Boseman v. Jarrell, a case that arose out of a child-custody dispute involving former North Carolina State Senator Julia Boseman and her former partner.