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The Seven Reasons To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship #6: Because You Control Your Happiness :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: May 16, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “What does a “No-Fault’ divorce mean in NC?”

In our continuing saga of posts based on the Yahoo piece by Ronnie Tyler about seven important reasons to end a bad relationship, we have now reached the sixth piece of advice. The first reason to get out of a bad marriage is because you deserve better. Second, because your children deserve better. Three is because your spouse won’t change (at least not in the time that you want them to). Number four is that someone has to take the first step. The fifth reason is because your environment should not define your state of mind. Number six is because you have to remember that you are in control of your own happiness.

Tyler says that people who are stuck in a difficult marriage need to take a deep breath and, though it might be hard, own up to their role in the problems. Playing a victim is not only a pointless waste of time, but also a good way to avoid taking responsibility for the part you played in creating the relationship trouble. Though you may not be the one engaging in destructive behavior, it always takes two to tango. You may have permitted bad behavior to go on for too long or sent mixed messages about what kind of treatment you would tolerate from your significant other.

Regardless of the issue, take stock of your situation and then take responsibility, it is the only way to move forward according to Tyler. Once you have acknowledged your own responsibility for the relationship trouble, it is important to take time to come up with some measurable goals to improve things. Don’t just sit back and wait for things to get better, chances are they never will. Improvement only happens with effort on someone’s part.

The Seven Reasons To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship #5: Because Your Environment Should Not Define Your State Of Mind :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: May 14, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “Does adultery affect who gets custody?”

In our continuing saga of posts based on the Yahoo piece by Ronnie Tyler about seven important reasons to end a bad relationship, we have now reached the fourth piece of advice. The first reason Tyler offered up to consider getting out of a bad marriage is because you deserve better. The second is that your children deserve better. Three was because your spouse won’t change (at least not in the time that you want them to). Number four was because someone has to take the first step and now, number five: because your environment should not define your state of mind.

Tyler says that it is important in the midst of relationship problems to not let your issues consume your entire way of thinking. Sure, things might be bad at home, but that does not mean you have to adopt a negative outlook on life. Also, just because there are problems does not mean the problems cannot be overcome through hard work and honest communication.

Too many people fall into a trap of thinking that the problems experienced by themselves or their spouses are larger than they actually are. Take a step back, try and maintain some perspective on your relationship issues. You are not the first couple to experience problems and you won’t be the last. Realize that you have options and are not stuck in a bad situation for the rest of your life.

The Seven Reasons To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship #4: Because Someone Has To Take The First Step :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: May 9, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

In our continuing saga of posts based on the Yahoo piece by Ronnie Tyler about seven important reasons to end a bad relationship, we have now reached the fourth piece of advice. The first reason Tyler offered up to consider getting out of a bad marriage is because you deserve better. The second is that your children deserve better. Three was because your spouse won’t change (at least not in the time that you want them to). Now for number four: because someone has to take the first step.

The conventional wisdom when it comes to relationship advice is that it takes two to tango. People always say that it takes both partners working together to make a relationship work. Marriage counselors say no one spouse can shoulder all the burden of making a marriage healthy and loving. While Tyler agrees that this is usually the case, it is mainly valuable advice for those trying to make a relationship work, not those facing problems.

In the case of couples facing an impasse, the actions of one spouse may be just the trick to get a couple out of a rut and a relationship either back on track or headed for divorce. After all, there is no guarantee that both parties will be on the same page at the same time or that the problems that are bothering one spouse will also be a concern to the other. Rather than sit around and wait for your partner to be bothered by the same thing, it can be a good thing to take action on your own and give your spouse a chance to catch up.

The Seven Reasons To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship #3: Because Your Spouse Won’t Change :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: May 7, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How long does getting a divorce take?”

In our continuing series of articles based on the piece by Ronnie Tyler about seven important reasons to end a bad relationship, we have now reached the third bit of advice. The first reason Tyler gives to consider getting out of a bad marriage is because you deserve better. The second is that your children deserve better. Now for number three: because your spouse won’t change (at least not in the time that you want them to).

This third reason can be a very difficult one for some people to come to grips with. This is especially the case for Type A individuals who are used to exerting control over their lives and those around them. You might think that if you just nag your spouse long enough or insist that some behaviors change then they will finally cave and decide to shape up.

Sadly, that is seldom the case. By the time most people reach marrying age, they have begun to find out who they are and, more importantly, who they are not. Personality habits begin to become deeply ingrained and it can be difficult if not impossible to make wholesale changes in behavior. Though small shifts are always possible, the fact is overnight miracles are seldom ever seen.

The Seven Reasons To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship #2: Because Your Children Deserve Better :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: May 2, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How long does getting a divorce take?”

This blog continues our series of posts discussing a recent Yahoo article about reasons to get out of bad marriage.

In the first article, we mentioned the first reason given by Ronnie Tyler, the author of the piece. We discussed how a desire for happiness and a recognition that you deserve better might be a reason to either divorce or make serious changes to a relationship.

This week, the second reason given by Tyler to get out of a bad relationship is because your children deserve better. Though you deserving a happy and fulfilled marriage should be enough of a reason to make a change, many people find it easy to put their own needs last. However, those with children understand how important the parental desire to protect your offspring truly is.

Tyler says that though some people may not have the strength to get out of a bad relationship for themselves, the hope is that they would be able to make the change for their children. Tyler says that parents should consider how the bad relationship might negatively affect the kids. For instance, the fighting and name-calling can send bad messages to impressionable children about what qualifies as a “healthy” relationship. In cases where more serious problems exist, such as infidelity or abuse, getting out becomes essential to shielding your children from a potentially destructive parent.

The Seven Reasons To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 30, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

Yahoo recently featured an article discussing a list of seven reasons why couple should go ahead and get out of a bad marriage now. The article is thought provoking and raises a lot of important questions that couples in the midst of a bad relationship should grapple with when deciding what to do about their marriage.

Though some commenters were irritated that the article was flippant or possibly insensitive, that was not the intention. Instead, the author, Ronnie Tyler, said that the piece was designed to challenge unhappy couples, highlighting serious issues that people should consider when deciding what to do about their relationship. The author of the piece said that the idea for the article came out a concern that her friends and family not stay in miserable relationships out of fear of trying something new. Everyone deserves to not only survive, but thrive, and being saddled with an unhappy relationship is one way to endure long-term suffering.

The author also explained that when she lists the seven reasons to get out of a bad relationship, that she does not necessarily mean divorce. Though for some divorce might be the best option, for others “getting out” is just an instruction to make serious life changes that alter the trajectory of your relationship. This could be the kind of shake up that you have been considering for years, but never had the courage to insist on.

States Move To End Permanent Alimony :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 25, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How long does getting a divorce take?”

Though almost all couples exchange vows promising they will remain together ’til death do us part, many assume that divorce ends the eternal commitment. Sadly, in a number of states where permanent alimony laws remain on the books that is simply not the case.

A recent survey by US News and World Report found that permanent alimony laws still exist in several states, including New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, Connecticut, West Virginia, Florida and right here in North Carolina. Thankfully a number of those states, including New Jersey and Florida, are currently considering some much needed alimony reform.
In fact, the Florida Senate recently passed a measure backed by the group known as Floridians for Alimony Reform, which would end permanent alimony. The measure not only ends the practice of permanent alimony, but would also allow for long divorced couples to reopen their divorce settlements and change long established financial arrangements.

The measure, which passed last month by wide margins, puts a cap on the amount of alimony that can be paid based on a person’s income. It also would allow the spouse paying the support to file a petition with a court to terminate or lower alimony payments when the paying spouse reaches retirement age. The law also includes protection in some exceptional cases where the spouse receiving the alimony is not able to support themselves due to some serious handicaps.

Bitter Divorce Separates A Man And His Bird :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 23, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

A hostile divorce in Montana resulted in a man losing touch with his beloved bird, a macaw, for more than five years. Thankfully, the two were reunited recently thanks to a friend with a good eye.

The ordeal began when the man, Mike Taylor, and his wife went through an especially nasty divorce several years ago. In the divorce, Taylor’s wife won control over their pet bird, Love Love. After the settlement was done, his wife decided to sell the bird, devastating Taylor who had always been fond of his 25-year-old pet.

A friend of Taylor’s was recently visiting a bird sanctuary in the state when he thought one of the birds seemed oddly familiar. The friend had to cajole Taylor to come see for himself, but once he did he knew it was his Love Love. Taylor then had to try and convince the owner of the sanctuary to let him get his bird back, but after revealing several oddly specific facts about the bird, including his blindness in one eye, the owner decided Taylor was telling the truth.

The sanctuary initially took possession of Love Love after another woman sought to give the bird away after the bird bit her so hard that she required medical attention. Love Love has not been aggressive with Taylor and seems to have settled back into his old routines.

Divorce Or Separation? Part Two :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 18, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How long does getting a divorce take?”

This post is a continuation of our last article walking through some important questions that couples should ask themselves before settling on divorce. The following are some more tough issues to consider while weighing the decision of seeking a separation or choosing to divorce.

The next issue raised in the Yahoo article is to ask yourself how a separation might affect your children. While you might like to have a trial period to think over the marriage, it’s important to consider how your children will view the news. Some kids might be given false hope about their parents reconciling while others might get the wrong message about what kinds of behavior is acceptable in a relationship.

Experts also recommend considering whether you or your spouse will require health insurance. Though the issue may seem boring and practical, practicality has its place in such matters. If one party has extensive pre-existing medical conditions or lacks insurance of their own, a trial separation might be the best way to ease into a new life apart, giving each party time to make arrangements. A full divorce would pull the rug out from under the sick party and a separation might be the best way to handle the transition.

Another practical matter that should be considered is whether one party is accumulating significant assets. If you are the spouse making a lot of money or are owed a big bonus in the not so distant future, you might be inclined to push for divorce to create a cut-off point and separate your finances. If, on the other hand, your spouse is due for a big raise or bonus, it likely makes financial sense to consider a separation and ensure you are entitled to a share of those assets.

Divorce Or Separation? Part One :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 16, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

If you are unhappy in your marriage and are contemplating calling it quits, chances are things have been bad for a while. No one wants to rush into something as serious and final as divorce. Ending a marriage is one of the most difficult decisions most people will ever face, which is why it is crucial to feel confident that you have made the right choice.

For some people divorce is clearly the best option. If the fighting has gotten out of hand with no hope of easing tensions and the stress has started to negatively impact your children, divorce is likely the right move. In other cases, the distance that a separation brings might be all that you need to get your marriage back on a sound footing. Yahoo put together a list of some of the following questions to ask before making the decision to divorce.

First, are you both ready to leave or is the unhappiness with only one party? This question is important because in cases where only one spouse is unhappy, a separation can often be a good idea. For one thing, a separation allows the unhappy spouse to have some space and really think through their decision. For another, it gives the other party time to come to grips with the idea of divorcing. If both parties want out, and are sure of it, then that might be a reason to consider divorcing since you are both already on the same page.