Charlotte Divorce Lawyer Blog

Psychotherapist offers words of encouragement for those contemplating divorce

Published on: January 6, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question ” I’m considering separating from my spouse; what actions should I refrain from doing?”

Author and psychotherapist Abby Rodman says that couples contemplating, embroiled in, or nearing the finish line of a divorce need to embrace the wisdom of the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus: “Change is constant.” Change is constant, and if you are going through a divorce, you should embrace change, because change is certain, says Rodman.

Rodman encourages couples to prepare for the worst. Preparing for the worst does not mean couples have to expect the worst, and in the long run the changes spawned by a divorce may lead to a better life than parties to a marriage are leading now. Painting too rosy a picture of post-divorce life, in one’s mind, however, may lead to unfulfilled expectations.

If divorce is a part of one’s life, Rodman says, it does not have to define one’s life. In reality, Rodman says, the rest of a person’s life goes on while a divorce is proceeding. If a person brings the rest of one’s life to a halt while a divorce is pending, Rodman says, one may miss out on new and important opportunities—doors that open into one’s new, post-marriage life.

The end of a marriage means the end of matrimonial bonds, and it also may bring to an end many other past times or traditions shared with a spouse. One may feel inclined to cast off and cast away the implements of one’s former life, tangible and intangible, but Rodman encourages those going through the divorce process not to “throw the baby out with the bathwater.”

New York divorce mediator pleads guilty in plot to torture men into signing divorce paper

Published on: January 1, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “How can an attorney help me with my Divorce or Separation in North Carolina?”

Mediation is supposed to provide the opposing parties in a claim the opportunity to resolve their differences amicably. The actions of a New York divorce mediator, however, have led to far-less-than amicable results, according to federal prosecutors.

On Wednesday, a New York-based divorce mediator pled guilty to charges stemming from his attempts to strong-arm men into giving their wives a “get.”

The man—White Plains, New York-based Martin Mordechai Wolmark—pled guilty on Wednesday in federal court in Trenton, New Jersey, to engaging in a conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce to commit extortion, according to United States Attorney Paul J. Fishman.

Wolmark and Rabbi Mendel Epstein—described by USA Today as “a prominent ultra-Orthodox divorce mediator from Brooklyn—were accused of leading “a gang of eight thugs” who tortured men into giving their wives a “get.”

Adult child sees the silver lining in her parents’ divorce—eight years later

Published on: December 30, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

Remorse is, perhaps, the most difficult of human emotions. Anyone who has passed through the crucible of divorce may know what it means to contend with remorse, or to contend with “what could have been.”

Sadly, many divorces leave a trail of broken hearts. These include the hearts of children, who are often unwitting, innocent victims of a broken marriage.

Adult children of divorced or divorcing parents are not immune to these feelings. To an adult child whose parents have been married for decades, the concept of divorce—at least applied to one’s own parents—may seem foreign. What’s more, because adult children tend to move away from their parents’ home, they may miss signs of marital trouble displayed behind closed doors.

Ellen Huerta, who writes about romantic breakups on her website Mend, recalls that since her parents’ marriage had survived her own childhood and young adulthood, she just assumed it would last forever—or until death did them part.

Census plan to eliminate survey questions may leave marriage, divorce in statistical void

Published on: December 25, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What does a “No-Fault’ divorce mean in NC?”

About one-half of American marriages end in divorce.

Marriage counselors have been preaching that prevailing wisdom to couples for decades. People who have been through a messy divorce may point to the statistic with a disillusioned “I told you so” attitude. Divorce attorneys and other professionals who often deal with the most contentious divorces may feel even more disillusionment.

Researchers, however, can put their feelings aside and study the raw data. As consumers, as human beings and as professionals working in family law matters, we rely on the data and upon the work of researchers studying the data for a portrait of what marriage and divorce look like in the United States.

For a variety of reasons, our ability to rely on accurate data may be disappearing.

For years, researchers in the family-law field have relied on statistics compiled by the United States Government in its American Community Survey. It is the ground zero, so to speak, for researchers interested in marriage and divorce trends across different age groups, ethnicities and cultures within the United States.

“Smart” people capable of DIY divorce, writer says

Published on: December 23, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Can I get the judge to order my spouse to pay my attorney’s fees in a property division case?”

The Huffington Post has identified what it describes as “a narrow group of smart, rational and reasonable individuals” who will join the flood of people all over the country starting the New Year by ending their marital relationships. It is, after all, the busiest time of year for divorce lawyers; however, these “smart, rational and reasonable” individuals will not be joining the flood of phone calls to divorce lawyers’ offices.

Diane L. Danois, J.D., says smart people don’t need divorce lawyers. First, she argues, much of family law is form-based, and most of the forms are available online at no cost. Even samples of Separation Agreements, Property Agreements and Custody Agreements can be found online and tailored—by “smart, rational and reasonable” individuals—to fit an individual couple’s needs.

As for property division, Danois says, financial affidavits guide couples through the steps of disclosing and labeling assets and liabilities. Smart people can figure out what martial property is, presumably. The assumption Ms. Danois appears to make, however, is that parties to marital relationships all have sharing, cooperative attitudes. Many people end up in my office, however, because of their spouses’ uncooperative and—at times—abusive and controlling attitudes. They need advocates to stand up for them because they feel intimidated by a spouse and by the legal system.

Of course, uncooperative, controlling, manipulative spouses would likely not fit under Ms. Danois’ definition of “smart, rational and reasonable” individuals, so perhaps the couples in need of divorce lawyers—by asserting the opposite of the premise—are those which feature at least one spouse who is uncooperative, or not “smart.”

Florida’s first same-sex Divorce best holiday gift ever, ex-spouse says

Published on: December 16, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “How can an attorney help me with my Divorce or Separation in North Carolina?”

Heather Brassner’s marriage ended five years ago, but she was only able to get a Florida judge to sign off on her divorce this past Wednesday.

In so doing, Brassner, her now ex-wife Megan Lade and Broward County Circuit Judge Dale Cohen made history. The Brassner-Lade divorce marks the Sunshine State’s first same-sex divorce.

Brassner’s attorney, Nancy Brodzki, called Judge Cohen’s ruling historic, telling the Associated Press that while this is Florida’s first same-sex divorce, it will not be the last. As the Washington Post reported Monday, Columbia University statistics professor Andrew Gelman analyzed statistics comparing same-sex and traditional marriages and concluded that “the dissolution rate of same-sex marriages seems comparable to, not lower than, the divorce rate of traditional marriages.” Previous analyses had provided that the same-sex divorce rate was lower than the traditional marriage divorce rate.

Any way you slice the numbers, according to Gelman, results in lots of divorces—same-sex and traditional.

Brodzki may expecting more same-sex divorce business in Florida, but before she takes any more clients over the divorce finish line, she may have to fight Florida’s Attorney General Pam Bondi in court.

NFL stars battle over alleged cheating spouses, girlfriends on Twitter

Published on: December 11, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Does adultery affect my divorce case?”

Twitter has become a new proving ground for alienations of affections actions, if Detroit Lions tight end and “self-described touchdown dancer extraordinaire” Joseph Fauria is the kind of trendsetter the tabloids hope.

He may not be. The star receiver has deleted a tweet he posted to his more-than 37,000 followers appearing to accuse his pro-wrestler girlfriend of cheating on him with Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson.

Wilson, who guided the Seahawks to the franchise’s first Super Bowl victory earlier this year, divorced his wife, Ashton, late this past summer, and was rumored for a time to be dating Lolo Jones, a former United States Olympian who has appeared on the television show Dancing With The Stars.

At the time of Wilson’s divorce, sports marketing expert Bob Dorfman told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer that the quarterback’s single status would help him attract more endorsement deals aimed at a younger audience and would improve his “sex appeal to women.”

Fauria insinuated that Wilson’s sex appeal was too much for his girlfriend, 24-year-old Erika Hammond, who has appeared on World Wrestling Entertainment’s now-defunct “NXT” show, which aired in 2012 and 2013 and featured up-and-coming wrestlers.

Parenting site offers holiday happiness tips for divorced dads

Published on: December 9, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

Holidays are all about tradition, and as Heather Gray writes for Yahoo Parenting, divorced dads can get the feeling over the holidays that “traditions don’t really exist” for them anymore.

If what a divorced dad has in mind for a happy, fulfilling holiday doesn’t square up with reality, the first step towards making a happy holiday a reality is becoming clear about exactly what a divorced dad wants. One may not—due to opposition from an ex-wife, due to legal agreements or other circumstances—be able to get everything one wants, but it is important to begin with a clear picture of what one believes happiness must include.

The worst that can happen is an ex will say no. The ex has Christmas with the kids. It’s in the custody order, that’s it.

But that’s not it, and if relations are generally amicable between a divorced dad and his ex, perhaps there is room for compromise. Maybe there is something a divorced dad can offer in return for holiday time with children. Perhaps on an upcoming weekend the children can remain with their mother instead of spending the weekend with their father, as is their custom.

Mistress says she can keep engagement gifts because her adulterous lover was married

Published on: December 5, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “Does adultery affect my divorce case?”

New York real-estate investor Robert Rothenberg has threatened to sue his 35-year-old former lover—the Israeli singer and actress Ayelet Argaman—accusing Argaman of swindling him out of lavish gifts made in contemplation of marriage. Really, Rothenberg says, Argaman was leading him on and using him for his money.

Argaman—who has appeared in minor roles in television series including The Sopranos and Law & Order—said she and Rothenberg began dating in September 2013. Rothenberg—20 years Argaman’s senior—lavished his young lover with $1.3 million in gifts, including a $100,000 per-month stipend for expenses.

Rothenberg forwarded Argaman emails from Rabbis praising him for being a “charitable religious man.” He also promised he would use his connections to get Argaman’s album produced. Argaman disclosed messages detailing Rothenberg’s efforts at wooing her. While he acknowledged that Argaman probable wanted “a younger version of himself,” he posited that “God works in ways we don’t understand” and that Argaman’s “softness, depth and soul” intrigued him.

Rothenberg stepped up the wooing this past spring, purchasing a $1.4 million one-bedroom apartment in Trump Palace on Manhattan’s Upper East Side for Argaman. He later signed an agreement granting Argaman a 60-percent share in the holding company that owns the apartment. Under the agreement, Argaman would have the option to buy out Rothenberg’s 40-percent share if their relationship did not last until May 2015.

It didn’t, and now Rothenberg wants the apartment back.

Divorce professionals say children at risk unless parents tone down the acrimony

Published on: December 2, 2014 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

An organization of 6,500 divorce lawyers, mediators and therapists in England has released the results of a survey showing the effects of divorce on children, and the results have staggered even industry insiders who have long bemoaned the negative effects family separations have on young members.

The group’s director, Jo Edwards, told Yahoo Parenting that children suffer most when parents engage in angry fighting in front of them. Edwards said the effects of confrontations can be seen almost immediately, with poor test scores, the onset of eating disorders, and behavioral problems. In the long term, divorces can affect students’ performance on standardized tests, can cause children to experiment with drugs, and can affect the ability of children to develop healthy, rewarding relationships and friendships.

Edwards said that the key for parents who are going through a divorce is to not engage in conflict in the presence of children. Almost a third of children surveyed confirmed that one parent tried to turn the child against the other parent, in order to gain a leg up in the divorce proceedings. A quarter of children respondents told surveyors that one or both of their parents had tried to involve them in their marital disputes. Another quarter of respondents did not even know one or both of their parents had new romantic partners until they found out on social media.

The United Kingdom-based organization that conducted the survey—named Resolution—styles itself as promoting non-confrontational divorces and other family conflicts. The non-confrontational approach, the group believes, is a key to ensuring a divorce does not leave children with long-lasting scars.