Charlotte Divorce Lawyer Blog

Therapist lists Do’s and Don’ts for couples with children going through divorce

Published on: February 17, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

Finding advice on divorce is like finding advice on dieting or exercise: it is everywhere. Whether you through an expert’s “ten tips,” another expert’s “twenty rules,” or another expert’s one-hundred one-word divorce descriptors, both the divorce process and processing all the divorce advice one is bound to receive can prove taxing.

A west-Texas counselor and therapist has made it easy for those contemplating or going through divorce, publishing in the San Angelo Standard a list of “Do’s” and a list of “Don’ts” for those who desire as “mindful a transition as possible.”

The therapist—Adrianne Albarado Ortiz—focuses her practice on children, many of whom experience emotional trauma as a result of their parents’ divorce. As far as “Don’ts,” Ms. Ortiz encourages couples with children not to seek to sabotage their children’s relationship with their spouse or exes by using malicious words against the other parent. Ms. Ortiz said this could actually backfire “and cause the child to generate resentment” towards the parent who is seeking to undermine the other parent.

The focus throughout a divorce process, Ortiz said, should be on the well-being of children involved. That means parents should never use their children as pawns to seek to gain the upper hand in divorce disputes. Ortiz said divorcing parents should never seek to obtain information from children about the other parent, and should not ask their children to choose sides when it comes to scheduling conflicts.

Attorney says divorce court may be the worst place to look for Lady Justice

Published on: February 12, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question ” I’m considering separating from my spouse; what actions should I refrain from doing?”

A spouse’s cruel words and outrageous treatment drove you to a divorce attorney in the first place, but now the divorce attorney is telling you the cruel treatment no more matters to your case than whether you broke your leg skiing or broke it getting hit by a car.

The point is, the leg is broken.

In medicine, of course, the answer is the fix the leg. In the world of marriages, a common answer to a couple’s problems—the opposite of fixing it—is to get a divorce. Many couples who arrive at this point turn to the legal system to find something they never experienced in their marriage: justice.

A family law attorney writing for the Buffalo Law Journal has a warning for justice seekers: In the family law courts, it’s business, not personal.

Family law attorney Steven Wiseman says courts use guidelines to render decisions on matters like child support and spousal maintenance. Courts have some discretion to deviate from these guidelines, but the fact that a spouse may have been “a lying, cheating, son of a you-know-what” is simply not relevant.

Soon-to-be divorced, divorcing or recently divorced? Beware the tax man!

Published on: February 10, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “How long does getting a divorce take?”

That special time of year is looming—April 15. That is not the date on which Santa Claus comes tumbling down the chimney with a slew of nice gifts to leave under the tree. Quite the opposite: April 15 is the date every year on which Americans pay their dues to Uncle Sam and to their respective state governments.

Not all state governments impose an income tax, but this state (North Carolina) does, and the federal government expects its dues. Aside from whatever complications one has experienced in the past with figuring and paying taxes, if one has recently divorced, one should beware, because new complications may be aplenty.

Even if one has not yet divorced but is engaged in the divorce process, tax time could prove especially troublesome. What, for instance, is one’s filing status? Is one married and filing jointly or married and filing separately? And, importantly, who is the Head of Household for tax purposes?

Unfortunately, answering these queries may require not only conversation with—but also the cooperation of—one’s ex or soon-to-be ex. This could prove vexing, and especially so if the ugliness if a divorce proceeding is looming over the erstwhile tedious task of preparing taxes.

Three-parent babies could alter humanity, child custody

Published on: February 5, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

Custody battles of the future may involve battles between litigants that are—in all our legal history—utterly foreign. That is because, for the first time in recorded history, scientists are on the verge of creating three-parent babies.

Once that formerly inconceivable reality comes to term, if one (plus one, plus one) wills it, the normal progress and processes of life will follow, and those will inevitably include family units splitting up and launching battles for custody of a child or children.

Except then it will be three (or more) parents fighting for custody, instead of two. That means—potentially—three lawyers or more… ugh.

So far, scientific experimentation with three-parent babies has been limited to animals. Last week, however, the British House of Commons voted to allow the licensing of facilities in the United Kingdom that may allow genetic modification of human embryos.

Parties in custody battles should think hard before seeking to offer child testimony

Published on: February 3, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”

In North Carolina, the ultimate arbiter of custody is the District Court judge. The District Court judge is vested, by statute, with the authority to determine who should have custody of a child and the terms under which custody shall be exercised.

Of course, the decisions of a District Court judge are subject to appeal, but when parties do appeal a District Court decision and one of the state courts of appeal decides to entertain the appeal, those courts frequently uphold the decisions of District Courts, and if they do not, many times they simply clarify the manner in which a judge should have considered the case and send it right back to the District Court to consider the case anew.

A party’s presentation regarding custody is made in District Court, and the person a party needs to convince is the District Court judge. Many parties believe a good way of convincing a District Court judge that they should have custody of a child is to have the child testify before the court. After all, who better knows what is in one’s best interest than oneself?

The problem with that ideas is that minor children are considered “infants” or “incompetents” under North Carolina law. Minor children do not have the capacity, for instance, to enter into contracts. A court will not take a proposal to allow a minor child to testify lightly. A judge will likely conduct a hearing to consider whether testimony would be appropriate in a particular case, and if so, what measures or protections may be afforded to the child while testifying.

Divorce mediator shares what she wishes she had known before her own divorce

Published on: January 29, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question ” I’m considering separating from my spouse; what actions should I refrain from doing?”

A longtime divorce mediator thought she was as prepared as anyone could be when the storms that brought on her own divorce rolled in. Now the mediator—Nicole Feuer—is urging couples who are contemplating divorce to think hard about issues the divorce solution will not resolve and the pains that the divorce process may inflict.

A spouse may be so far beyond that proverbial third strike that one could not imagine ever patching things up. One may even feel indifferent regarding whether one ever has to interact with a spouse again. Maybe one would be happier if one never saw one’s spouse again.

If one has children, however, one may be forced to deal with one’s ex spouse. Feuer reminds those considering divorce that the bad behaviors that drove one to divorce an ex do not disappear just because of the divorce. In fact, an ex spouse may be more prone to seek to push one’s buttons after a divorce than beforehand or during the divorce process.

What can one do? Feuer encourages divorcees to “let it go and not let it get to [one] anymore.” That may be easier said than done, Feuer says, but holding on to anger towards an ex spouse can damage a person emotionally, spiritually and even physically. One cannot change who an ex spouse is, how someone behaves or what someone has said or done. One can, however, learn to let go of the past and move beyond one’s anger. In fact, Feuer says, one must move beyond one’s anger to enjoy the fruits of a post-divorce life.

Cutting divorce expenses means compromising and choosing the right advocate

Published on: January 27, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question ” Is there some property that the judge cannot divide?

Any litigant looking for something less than the proverbial blood wants to spend as little as possible getting from here to there. Some litigants are out for the proverbial blood, however, and seem willing to spend as much as it takes to draw it.

Thankfully, our system of legal justice limits litigants to well-known causes of action and certain limited remedies. In the family-law context, these remedies include a decree of divorce, an award of money or property under various legal theories, an award of custody of a child or children and, in some cases, the imposition of one or more injunctions prescribing or prohibiting certain actions or omissions.

Parties to a divorce action can take some simple steps to spend as little as possible getting to the finish line. The first step, writes Geoff Williams in US News and World Report, is learning to compromise. This can be difficult, because even spouses who do compromise may feel regretful about their decisions.

Judy Crockett of Manistee, Michigan, for instance, regretted her decision to accept her husband’s offer of forty percent of retirement assets. She said she decided not to fight for a full half of the retirement assets because her husband was older and in ill health at the time of their divorce.

Divorce party lets exes blow their marriage mementos to smithereens

Published on: January 22, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Board certified family law specialist Matt Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “How long does getting a divorce take?”

Getting to the point of wanting a divorce may have taken years. Getting the divorce may have taken years. Now the divorce is over. What to do?

Much is to be gained by taking stock and learning to live in one’s new life. Over time, divorcees may learn to get over their anger and even to get along, to some degree or another, with an ex-spouse.

Amy Koko, who writes on her blog ExWifeNewLife, said it is important for people who have gone through a divorce to learn to live alone, to learn that they are strong and independent enough to fend for themselves.

Her advice dovetails with a new offer from a Las Vegas, Nevada business that specializes in helping people fend for themselves—with guns!

Machine Guns Vegas is promising an unforgettable post-divorce party package just in time for Valentine’s Day. The “Just Divorced” experience is designed, the company says, to encourage the recently divorced “to commemorate new beginnings—by shooting down any items that painfully remind them of their wedding day.”

Mediator says those considering divorce need to face the music

Published on: January 20, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “My wife and I are not getting along If I leave the house, can she get me for abandonment?”

A well-known divorce mediator is encouraging people who are considering divorce to dispense with some common myths before taking the proverbial leap away from and out of marriage—especially if the marriage involves children.

To be frank, divorce mediator Debra Macleod says anyone considering divorce needs to stop lying to oneself about the effect the process will have on children—and on oneself.

First and foremost, if a person thinks divorce is going to solve all of one’s problems—even one’s problems with a (soon-to-be-ex) spouse, one may have another thing coming. In fact, being divorced may introduce a whole new host of heretofore un-encountered issues with one’s (now ex) spouse.

Now that you are divorced and sharing custody of your children, you have to contend with your ex-spouse’s new boyfriend or girlfriend. You now “have no control over the strangers that waltz in and out of your child’s life.”

And that’s a shame—a shame for you but more so a shame for the child who brought none of this upon oneself. Macleod says most divorces are caused by the mixing of “two self-focused, short-sighted adults who wallow in their own misery” and who don’t spend enough time thinking about others—namely their kids.

Facebook becoming the “it” factor in millions of divorces

Published on: January 15, 2015 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Charlotte Divorce Attorney Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question ” I’m considering separating from my spouse; what actions should I refrain from doing?”

Facebook was invented ostensibly for old friends to connect, namely old classmates whose faces might have appeared in a different, older kind of medium—in a yearbook.

The twist was that was then and this is now—this being the digital age in which no distance is too great for old friends to meet.

Bridging the distance of time and space may be proving too great, however, for some married couples, as Facebook has become the “it” factor in a growing number of divorces. According to the Daily Mirror, a survey of caseloads at major family-law firms shows Facebook is a factor in as many as one-third of modern divorces.

Facebook’s role in martial harmony and divorces dovetails with other issues its ubiquitous presence has raised in the lives of its billion users. Using Facebook and posting information about one’s day-to-day life and activities means kissing privacy goodbye.