Articles Posted in Separation

According to recent article in Psychology Today, while divorce may be ugly for some it does not have to be that way. For many reasons splitting up happens because two people simply weren’t meant to be married. If you’re trying to find ways to be good to your ex during your divorce follow some of these steps to help keep the peace:

1. Don’t try to be friends too soon.

You’ll both need time to heal and recalibrate following a divorce and making sure that you both have a safe distance from one another will allow you to do that on your own schedule. If your relationship is going to have any chance at becoming something new and healthy that allows you to be friends and strong parenting partners, you have to let it all go first. It may feel lousy and lonely for a while but it’s the best way to move forward.

2. Write everything down
Do not assume either of you will remember or abide by the agreement no matter how friendly things are initially. Get everything down in writing so nobody is tempted to ‘forget.’ When it comes to issues of money and parenting, the more details the better. The more that’s clear the less room there will be for fights later on.

3. Outline clear and effective consequences
Agree on what happens if one person does not follow the agreement or somehow does not follow through with their promises. Like with parenting, you need to know what happens to those who break the rules.

4. Resist old patterns
Part of the relief of divorce is you are no longer responsible for your partner’s multitude of issues. The same goes for them. You both are released from one another so be released. Resist the temptation to give or seek old patterns of support.

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According to a recent article on the HuffingtonPost.com, the following steps should be taken if you see a divorce occurring in the not too distant future. These important actions can protect yourself and your future.

1. Go see an experienced North Carolina family law attorney

Many people wait too long before seeking legal advice about an impending divorce. There are things that you could be doing to protect your assets and help ensure a better outcome in the event you do have to go to trial.

2. Gather financial information and put the documents in a safe place
When you decide to get a divorce there’s a chance that money or information has been hidden. An important first step is to make copies of all the records you can get your hands on and photograph any valuable personal property. Collectibles can disappear in the heat of a nasty divorce and proof is often hard to come by. A record of all of these assets should be kept away from your home in a safe deposit box or with a friend.

3. Don’t try to hide money
Most people who try to hide assets from a spouse aren’t very good at it. If you’re caught doing so the judge may decide to rule harshly against your bad behavior or may be more inclined to believe you’ve done more that you just weren’t caught doing. Judges have a great deal of discretion in divorce cases and you always want to appear to be the “good spouse” in the judge’s eyes.

4. Don’t trash your spouse to others, especially the kids
Though it’s easy to do, it’s important for the sake of the children not to attack the other parent during a tough divorce. The same is true of mutual friends, it’s best to follow the old advice that if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all. While you may win over the kids in the short-term they will eventually see through the anger of your remarks and may sympathize with the other parent.

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According to an odd story in the New York Times, the concept of “divorce rings” is starting to gain appeal among a certain set. What is a divorce ring you may ask? Imagine a man bent on one knee, gazing up at surprised woman. He removes a jewelry box from his jacket and hands her a diamond ring in the shape of a broken heart. “Honey, will you divorce me?”
This bizarre scenario may not be as crazy as it seems. Alice Kwartler Antiques is now selling an 18-karat gold and diamond “divorce ring,” complete with a solitaire and jagged broken heart. At $3,200, the ring might cost more than a lot of people’s wedding bands. Rather than symbolizing eternal love, this one is meant to signify that things didn’t work out.
Using rings as a symbol of marital status can be traced back to ancient times. In the modern era, there are three marital statuses: single, married, and divorced. The idea of a “divorce ring” is just another way to signal a shift in a person’s life. The breakup ring would quickly let people know that a marriage is over, just as a wedding ring says that you’re taken. The ring can help avoid tiresome conversations with people about the status of your relationship and serves as a warning sign to newcomers.

Rather than wait to receive such a ring, others might decide to purchase one for themselves as a symbol of surviving the pain of the divorce process. There’s a spirit of starting over, or renewal in the rings and buyers have been known to throw themselves divorce parties or splurge on “divorcemoons.”

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Though most people would agree that marriage is a big step, representing a major life change, very few people understand the magnitude of the decision both legally and financially. People forget that marriage is, after all, a contract entered into by two people and it entails many of the same pitfalls as any other contractual relationship.

One of the things that many people may not realize is that even if one spouse contributes disproportionately more assets or income to the marital partnership, all of the assets likely eventually become merged into one marital pie where the lesser contributing spouse is entitled to half. This means one spouse could possibly walk away with a disproportionately larger share of the assets than they contributed. When couples agree to marry they typically are agreeing to relinquish half of your accumulated assets, something most newlyweds seldom think about. Some couples, likely those who marry young, may not have any appreciable assets. So, it may not be such a concern for them. However, those who have accumulated assets should give careful consideration to the business aspect of their marriage.

People take a business-like approach to other major events with potentially important financial implications like buying a house or a car. Yet when it comes to marriage, rarely is research conducted or fine print examined. A prenuptial agreement is an obvious way to protect yourself and watch out for both parties’ financial wellbeing. However, many people dismiss the idea as either being a sign of lack of genuine affection or as something only used by the ultra-wealthy. Neither is true.

A recent poll by Harris Interactive showed that when asked nearly half of divorced people said they wish they had a prenup when they married. Forty-four percent of single adults say they would want a prenup and yet only about 5% of couples actually go through with it. Why the disconnect?

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As we mentioned in a post last week (Some States Try to Slow Down Divorce), some states have made a move toward lengthening their divorce process in the name of looking out for the best interest of children. The Wall Street Journal reports that New Jersey is evidently not as concerned with such things. In fact, New Jersey is set to become the East Coast version of Vegas.

Legislation is currently sitting on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s desk which would turn this into a reality. The bill, if signed, would make it easier to get married in the state and would also expedite the process of getting a divorce.

The bill was passed by both houses of the New Jersey Legislature on Monday and would eliminate a mandatory 72-hour waiting period for a marriage or civil union license. The speed comes at a cost, however. The bill would see the cost of a marriage license rise to $60 from $28. Additionally, the bill would allow couples to annul a marriage within 30 days without the need to go to a court. Specific details on how the annulment process would function are still being hammered out. Currently, 29 states have no waiting period for a marriage license, but only two -Connecticut and Rhode Island – are in the Northeast.

The current rules in New Jersey require those who want an uncontested divorce to wait at least six months. The number is reduced to three months if the couple can demonstrate that the marriage is not working and that there has been fault.

The new bill has its fans and its detractors. Some believe it will bring more visitors to the state, increase revenue and be a generally positive change for New Jersey. Others say it cheapens the sanctity of marriage and will lead to increased family problems in the state.

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What’s the best way to avoid some of the time (and money) wasting fights that come along with divorce? Get an annulment instead. Unlike divorce, which acknowledges a marriage’s beginning and end, an annulment simply declares that the marriage never existed in the first place. “When a couple gets an annulment, it’s as if the marriage never existed to begin with,” says Kristin D. Hofheimer, a divorce attorney in Virginia Beach, Va.

Annulment can be great for your finances. The reason is that in an annulment, the courts do their best to restore the individuals to their original financial state prior to the marriage. So, what money and property you brought into the marriage is what you will walk away with, including any debt that came along with you. Anything that is joint, either assets or debts, are typically divided equally.

The problem is that qualifying for an annulment isn’t easy, and it’s not meant to be. In North Carolina, annulments are typically only allowed for the following narrow reasons:

1. Marriage between any two persons nearer in relationship than first cousins.
2. Marriage between double first cousins. Double first cousins occur when a set of brothers marries a set of sisters, or a brother and a sister marry another sister and brother, and they produce children. The children of these two marriages are double first cousins.

3. Marriage between a male person under 16 years of age and a female, with the exception of a court order as a result of a pregnancy when between the ages of 14 and 16.

4. Marriage between a female person under 16 years of age and a male, with the exception of a court order as a result of a pregnancy when between the ages of 14 and 16.

5. Marriage where either of the parties is physically impotent at the time of the marriage. Impotence must be permanent, incurable and medically diagnosed by a doctor.

6. Marriage between persons either of whom is, at the time of the marriage, incapable of contracting due to want of will or understanding is not automatically void
Couples who are in the process of getting an annulment and want to take action to protect their finances can typically approach joint debt in one of two ways:

1. Split the amount owed and each pay their share to take care of the debt.

2. One party can pay the entire debt and then sue the other party for half. If you’re trying to protect your credit, you may want to take care of the debt and let your ex reimburse you so you know an unpaid bill won’t end up bringing down your credit score, Hofheimer says.

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Is there any truth to the belief that a new year brings new relationships? January is often referred to in family law circles as the “Divorce Month.” The Huffington Post reports that the combination of frantic holidays, family issues and financial stress can bring to light cracks in already strained marriages.

The January divorce label has been applied for a reason; according to statistics published by eDivorcePapers.com, January did indeed have the most legal breakups. One Maryland divorce lawyer confirms that “Divorce Month” really does exist, saying that “Some attorneys take the last two weeks of the year off to get ready for the rush. January really does see a lot of divorces.”

The single biggest day for filing a divorce remains in doubt, though some groups have attempted to identify a single “D-Day.” The Legal Services Commission claims that “the first Monday after the kids return to school” sees the most filings.

A founder of DivorcedWomenOnline.com, says that though filings are most popular in January, the search begins in December. Angry husbands and wives begin searching for information on divorce in the days immediately following the holidays. “I see a huge increase in pageviews and searches the day after Christmas. People start looking for information before the New Year starts, but they can’t do much until the attorneys are back in the office. January 12-16 seems to be the magic week for filings.”

There are many reasons for the New Year’s push, but one big reason is the kids. Often time couples have been struggling for months before the holidays. However, they attempt to put aside their issues to give their children a happy holiday season with an intact family. When January rolls around the magic is gone and often, so is the marriage.

Another big reason is year-end reflection. Unhappy spouses look at their lives and decide they need to make a change. Unhappy spouses take a look at their life more carefully following the rush of the holidays and decide they just cannot endure another year like that.

Taxes also impact a person’s decisions of when to file. Marital status is determined as of December 31 according to the IRS and if a couple wants to file returns jointly they must be married as of that day. Unhappy people facing financial stress may put off divorce until the New Year because they can’t afford to take the financial hit of filing separately.

Another spike occurs in July and August. The reason is that some parents file before the school year starts if they are thinking of relocating and enrolling the kids in a different school district. Summer routines are also important as most parents don’t want to put the children through a painful divorce while they’re at home with nothing to do. Once the school year starts parents are more apt to move forward with filing.

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