Separation

Child Custody Cases in Iredell County, NC are Hard Enough, but What about the Dog?

Published on: September 11, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

As everyone knows, child custody is one aspect of divorce that can cause terrible bitterness and turn an otherwise amicable split into a drawn-out, expensive battle that leaves everyone battered and bruised, including the kids. The only good thing about child custody disputes is that they operate on an established set of laws and case precedents.

As discussed in an article on LATimes.com, determining who should get custody of the family pet is a totally different story. Pets are still viewed as property by the courts, even though many couples regard them much more personally. Because there are very few rules when it comes to deciding who should get custody of the pets, there is a wide variance among judges. Couples cannot assume a judge will make the decision based on who brought the pet into the relationship, nor can they count on the same elaborate factors being assessed that are considered when deciding child custody. In the olden days some judges would rely on “calling contests,” in which the spouse who could get the dog to come to them won custody. Far from scientific, courts have moved away from that process today.

So what are the options for spouses caught in a battle over your pet pooch? According to the LA Times, one possibility is to do what people with human children do, and work out a joint custody agreement. With a little extra work, both of you can keep taking your pride and joy to the dog park. Another benefit is that with shared custody you can always ensure there is someone around to look after your dog if you have to leave town.

This obviously won’t work if you and your ex will be geographically separate. If that’s the case, then you will need to do an honest evaluation of who is better equipped to take care of your pet. Who will be away from home more, which one of you has traditionally done most of the caretaking and, if you do have kids, how will child custody affect the decision.

What to do about life insurance during a North Carolina divorce

Published on: August 30, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Negotiating a divorce settlement can be stressful, especially when tension is high and your spouse insists on contesting every last detail. One thing that often is last on people’s priority list, but which should not be overlooked, is insurance.

As the Huffington Post explains, insurance policies are standard parts of Separation and Property Settlement Agreements. The spouse who pays alimony or child support is commonly expected to maintain a life insurance policy that would cover the debt owed to the spouse or children on the receiving end of the money, in case the payer dies while a debt is owed.

If you’re the spouse who is the beneficiary, you must be certain that the policy amount is sufficient to cover your children’s educations, your mortgage and related debt. It’s important to consider sticking in guarantees that forbid a lapse, cancellation or change of beneficiaries to the life insurance policy.

The death benefit on a term policy should meet or exceed the minimum amount a spouse would pay over time for spousal or child support. But more than just that simple calculation, other expenses should also be considered. For instance, is the health insurance under the paying spouse’s name? If so, what would it cost to find a new insurer and pay the premiums? That needs to be calculated into the number needed for the policy’s death benefit.

It’s critical that the details are attended to when it comes to insurance. For instance, while most divorce agreements require that a spouse purchase a life insurance policy, does yours go on to require that they maintain it? Lapsed policies can be canceled, something you surely don’t want to happen if you’re the beneficiary. Experts suggest adding the beneficiary spouse’s name to the policy as a contact that insurers can use if policy premiums ever go unpaid.

Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, NC :: Some important “Do Not’s” for Those Going Through Divorce in North Carolina

Published on: August 23, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Recently the Huffington Post published a list of tips for men going through a divorce. However, a quick look reveals that the tips are applicable to any parent embroiled in the difficult process. In addition to the tips listed below, it is recommended that you consult with experienced family law attorneys in Charlotte, NC to help you through the process.

1. Do Not Move
Moving out and supporting two households is an expensive undertaking for even the most financially sound, especially given the current economy. While you may not get along with your spouse, unless a court says otherwise, it is financially advantageous to stay put. Obviously there are exceptions to this tip, such as domestic violence or a court order.

2. Do Not Hide Money
While divorces may be expensive, hiding your money is a bad idea. If the court discovers that you’ve been squirreling your money away, then you lose credibility and the court will be more likely to side against you in the future. In the end, hiding assets will cost you far more than it is worth.

3. Do Not Lose Your Cool
A divorce is not counseling, the decision to end the marriage has already been made, and a screaming match benefits no one. Even if one side is provoking the other, it is always best to keep a cool head. Keeping things friendly can help prevent a long drawn out divorce and will allow a much better environment for the children involved.

Legal Separation Lawyers in Charlotte, NC :: Legal Separations, Separation Agreements and Living Separate and Apart: Making Sense of all the ‘Separates’

Published on: August 9, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

You hear a lot about legal separation in North Carolina but most of what you hear may not be correct. For one thing, there is no such law describing a “legal separation.” You can file for divorce from bed and board which is essentially a fault based legal separation, but such motions are rarely granted and the process is seldom used. What most people are referring to when they talk about a separation is what is called a “separation agreement.”

A separation agreement is simply a contract between two people. The agreement must be voluntarily entered into by two individuals who are of sound mind and at least 18 at the time of signing. If any of these three requirements are not met the contract may not be enforceable.

Such agreements are meant to resolve such matters as property division, debts, custody and support when a married couple is ready to split. A common misunderstanding is that separation agreements are necessary precursors to divorce. A separation agreement does not serve as “proof” that you have been living separate and apart from your spouse for the requisite period of time nor does it make a divorce easier to obtain. It exists to help maintain a mutually agreed upon peace while a couple contemplates moving forward with divorce.

The next kind of “separate” we’ll be discussing is the requirement for divorce in North Carolina that the parties be physically separated for one year and a day. This means that you must live in separate homes for at least one year and a day to qualify for divorce in the state. Though many people refer to this as a formal “separation” there is no such legal distinction recognizing this.

Victim of Adultery Gets Creative to Sell Home

Published on: July 17, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A mother of two who was the victim of infidelity after 10 years of marriage is trying to make lemonade out of life’s lemons. After her husband left her for a 22-year-old yoga instructor, Elle Zober channeled her frustration into helping sell the family home.

She started by making a sign and placing it in the front yard which reads, “Husband Left Us For 22-Year-Old – House For Sale By Owner (Adulterers Need Not Apply).” Zober says her husband knows about the sales pitch and even chipped in to pay for some of the signs promoting the sale.

Zober also launched a website about the sale, http://www.greatfamilyhome.com/, where she tells her story and offers photos of the property. On the website she says:

“We did everything right. Married ten years. Two kids: one perfect boy, one bouncy, perfect baby girl. We had almost no debt outside of our cars and we bought a house…. but, as with many marriages, our story ends in divorce. I’m not sure how this all happened… but, all I can is that as soon as your husband/wife starts using new texts languages like :/, or starts talking to you like a college kid…. check your phone bill – you’re probably going to be in for a surprise. For me that surprise came in the form of a 22 year old college student who likes yoga… and, other people’s husbands.”

Zober says they have not shown the signs to her children but have no problem airing their dirty laundry in public as long as the house sells. She said both she and her husband want to avoid having the house go into foreclosure, a common problem these days when a divorced family suddenly must support two households on the same amount of money as when there was only one. She’s not just selling the house, Zober has also decided to capitalize on the media attention surrounding her website and is even selling merchandise, including a $5 refrigerator magnet.

“Gray Divorces” Present Unique Challenges

Published on: July 10, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

We’ve said it before, but the trend known as “gray divorce” appears to be picking up steam. The numbers of senior divorces in the country continue to grow and with the baby boomers aging the amount will likely rise even faster.

Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin at Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family & Marriage Research Center conducted research that indicated the divorce rate among those over 50 years old had doubled between 1990 and 2009. This shocking figure was true even for those over the age of 65 showing it is not a phenomenon limited to divorce-prone boomers.

These same researches are predicting that the trend will only continue to escalate. The reason is that those who have already been through one marriage and are now remarried are more than 2.5 times more likely to divorce again than those who are still on their first marriage.

The reasons for the trend are hard to nail down and include everything from the larger number of older people, the age those people are living to, a greater acceptance of divorce, rising female empowerment and an increased emphasis on living a happy life.

Regardless of the cause, the trend has important financial implications for those going through a late in life divorce. The first thing to understand is that single life can be expensive. It’s not a simple matter of splitting all the bills in half. There’s a magnification to dividing bills and separate households are much more expensive to run than half of a marital household.

Beyond living expenses are the ordinary legal expenses associated with divorce. New legal documents will need to be drafted, often more than if you had divorced at a younger age. Wills will need to be redone, health directives, insurance polices, etc. Make sure you have a skilled North Carolina family law attorney on your side; you want someone experienced and capable of handling things amicably. At that age there’s no reason to try to end up inside a courtroom, the process is too expensive and could mean that a stranger decides what happens to your belongings.

Divorce Advice for Talking with Your Children about Separation and Divorce

Published on: June 14, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

If you’re facing the prospect of divorce one of the hardest things to deal with is likely how to tell your children. You worry how they’ll handle the news and fear that they will think it was in some way their fault. You may worry that they’ll lose the sense of stability they’ve come to depend on. It’s important when the time comes to sit them down that you both convey that you will still be there for them, no matter what happens in your marriage. The following are some tips on how to best handle a very difficult conversation:

• Agree on what you’re going to say
The two of you should find time to sit down before talking to the kids to decide on what you are going to say. Get your story straight so that no one contradicts each other. You don’t want to start arguing in front of the kids, you need to be a united front. If you need help communicating effectively as your relationship has broken down so far, consider going to a therapist or a religious leader who can serve as mediator.

• Tell them as a couple
If possible, you and your spouse should tell the children together, even if it’s hard. You may have a great deal of anger towards your spouse, but it’s better for the kids to put that aside and work together during this moment. Convey to them that though the marriage is ending, you will both work together and cooperate as parents. Make sure they know that you’ll both remain active in their lives.

• Be nice to each other (or at least pretend)

It’s important that when you talk to the kids that neither of you blames the other one for the dissolution of the marriage. Don’t attempt to curry favor with the kids, you don’t want to put them in the middle and make them feel like they have to choose sides. Both behaviors are unfair to your kids and can cause lasting emotional harm. It can also blow up in your face and make the child feel closer to the maligned parent.

• Be honest, but keep comments age appropriate
Be honest but remember the children’s ages when telling them the news. Avoid sharing any personal details about the split, they don’t need to know the nitty gritty details of your marriage. Tell them only as much as they need to know, no more. Don’t pretend everything will be the same, prepare them for some of the changes to come and don’t make promises you can’t keep. Make sure to explain that the divorce has nothing to do with them, this is crucial.

For a Cheap North Carolina Divorce Start Cooperating

Published on: June 5, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Here’s something that should not come as news to anyone going through the process: divorce can be expensive. When a couple decides to end their marriage, it is almost always for personal reasons but these emotional issues can quickly change into fights over money. The result can be financial destruction for both parties. Everybody loses, except the attorneys. The bit of good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Divorce doesn’t have to destroy both parties financially; the decision rests in your hands.

If you want your divorce to stay calm (and less costly) you have to keep some of the emotion out. Years of bitterness have built up but you can’t let that distract you from the goal of reasonably dividing assets. Deal with your emotions in therapy, not in a battle of lawyers. Your divorce should be about dividing property, not righting wrongs.

Many couples fall into one of a few traps that lead to the endless cycle of fighting and pumped up divorce fees. Watch for the following issues and you can help avoid financial disaster.

• Anger – Couples that carry around bitterness or jealousy and approach divorce like a war can result in sky-high legal bills. If the couple is out to destroy one another then the result is often mutual destruction.

• Ignorance – Not understanding the process, the couple can make expensive mistakes that take time and money to undo.

• Speed – Couples that are in a dead rush can create more problems than they think they’re solving. When one party is so eager to finish the marriage they can make rash and ill-advised decisions which lead to terrible consequences down the road.

• Delegation – While you certainly need to rely on the advice of your attorney, don’t turn the whole process over and let them run the show. If you are hands off then your lawyers can get into a paper war which succeeds only in raising their fees and draining you of money.

Now that you know what leads to the problems, here are some strategies that can be employed to keep costs from ballooning out of control:

Divorce in Mecklenburg County, NC and Facebook

Published on: May 10, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Facebook recently received tons of attention thanks to its disappointing IPO. Its’ now in the news for a different and surprising reason, a survey that revealed that in 2011 one-third of all divorce filing contained the word “Facebook.” The Wall Street Journal mentioned the shocking statistic and highlighted the news that 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys believe social networking in divorce proceedings is on the rise, according to data from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Attorneys cite examples of Facebook being brought up in the course of depositions, as evidence of infidelity or children’s pages being used to prove bad parenting. Once the information is released into the world it’s impossible to get it back and remains ripe for the picking when a contentious divorce takes place.

Only three years ago 20% of all divorce filings contained the word “Facebook.” Today that number stands at 33%, according to the AAML. Though the percentage increased the main reasons for the mentions have remained the same: inappropriate messages to people of the opposite gender and nasty comments between separated spouses.

One expert who researchers the relationship behavior of college students said that breaking up via Facebook is a way for some to permanently end a relationship that has been dragging on for far too long. Doing something so public is a good way to air dirty laundry and ensures that no attempt at reconciliation occurs.

Charlotte, North Carolina Divorce Advice – Relationships with Former In-Laws

Published on: May 3, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article in the New York Times, divorce couples face a tricky issue that they may never have expected when beginning the process of separating from their significant other: grandparents. Most parents want them involved in their children’s lives but it can be complicated given hurt feelings on both sides.

If the divorce was civil and no one was at fault things might be fairly simple, but what if things didn’t go so swimmingly? The goal for parents should be keeping the grandparents in the family regardless of the parents’ differences. The following suggestions can help ease a difficult transition:

1. Figure out your own relationship with your ex’s parents.

What’s your relationship with your former spouse’s parents? Do you visits with them? If you’re comfortable, go for it. Coffee, e-mails, texts are great. If you’re not, now’s a good time to practice being civil. Don’t let whatever emotions you might have towards your husband spill over to the rest of his family.

2. Keep the lines of communication open.

One thing parents can do is make it clear to the grandparents that they have full access to the grandkids no matter what is going on between husband and wife. Make yourself available to the other side of the family, they might be worried about you cutting off contact and an olive branch can go along way to making everyone relax.

3. Issue invitations.

Ideally it would be good for the ex-spouse to take the lead in making certain that his or her parents were invited to graduations, to concerts, to school functions, etc., but if he or she doesn’t, do it anyway. Another good bit of advice is not to limit time with the paternal grandparents to when the kids are with their dad and vice versa for the maternal grandparents.

4. Be aware of the kids’ needs.

Sometimes having everyone gathered at the same time for holidays and family events isn’t what’s best for the kids. Many children won’t want to have their worlds collide with new spouses mixing with their parents and grandparents. If that’s the case, try for more visits under different circumstances. Better to have them spend time one-on-one and have the time be meaningful than put on a show that makes everyone uncomfortable.