Parenthood

Marriage May Be Down, But Don’t Count It Out Yet

Published on: December 22, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article by the Associated Press, couples are becoming increasingly less likely to tie the knot. One recently single woman described what is the both the benefit and the burden of cohabitation: “You start to see how people handle confrontation, financial realities, challenges, the housework load. If we had been married we would have been divorced, or fully on our way.”

Heading into 2012, barely half of all adults in the United States are married, and the median age at the time of a first marriage has never been higher – a hair over 26-years-old for women and nearly 29 for men.

By way of comparison, in 1960, the number of adults married was dramatically higher, a full 72 percent. By the year 2000, that number had fallen to 57 percent and today is only slightly higher than half at 51 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.

Experts believe the percentage of married adults could dip below 50 percent for the first time in a matter of a few years as the number of younger couples and single parents continues to grow. From just 2009 to 2010 the number of new marriages in the U.S. fell steeply, by 5 percent. While this drop may be partially attributed to the economy, the larger trend still holds true, fewer people are walking down the aisle.

Though the decline in marriage rates is widespread, it is especially prevalent among young adults. Nearly three out of every five people between 18 and 29 were married in 1960. Today it’s one in five.

Another dramatic marriage statistic relates to education levels. According to Pew Research, nearly two-thirds of all adults with college degrees, or 64 percent, are married, compared with only 47 percent of those with high school degrees or less. In 1960, college grads and those who had not gone beyond high school were equally likely to be married.

Race also impacts the likelihood of tying the knot. Pew found that 55 percent of whites are married compared to 48 percent of Hispanics and only 31 percent of blacks.

Though marriage may be down, it’s too early to count it out. Stephanie Coontz, who wrote “Marriage: A History” and teaches family studies at Evergreen State University said that she thinks “marriage is perceived as a very desirable good but no longer a necessity.” Backing this thought up another Pew survey found that while nearly 40 percent of respondents said marriage is becoming obsolete, 61 percent of those who were not married would like to be someday.

Tips for Dating Divorced with Children

Published on: November 1, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

As if dating someone new is not hard enough to begin with, there are plenty of folks who are in the dating pool who are divorced with children. A divorced parent who has a child (or children) is likely to bring with them all sorts of additional issues which would not likely be present with a nonparent. Fear not, what follows is a series of “rules” for dating a single parent from Yahoo!(as reported from the child’s perspective):

First, don’t lay it on too thick. Don’t laugh too much in a disingenuous or fake way. Rather, be genuine and be yourself. It may be better to earn the child’s respect than to worry about trying to make the child like you.

Second, no PDA (public displays of affection) in front of the child. The child is going to have enough other thinks to worry about and be uncomfortable about without having to watch you make out with their parent. A quick peck on the cheek may be acceptable under some circumstances. But, it is better to be discreet about such things.

Third, let the child determine how quickly the relationship develops and how deep it becomes. The child may be self defensive about getting too close to you for fear of the relationship between you and their parent deteriorating and having you out of their life. Similarly, the child may feel apprehensive or “disloyal” if they get close to you because of their relationship with their other parent (the one you aren’t dating).

Fourth, don’t be indifferent to the child. This is the opposite of rule number one (1). While you shouldn’t lay it on too thick, you shouldn’t be completely indifferent either. It will also make the child feel uncomfortable if you show interest in their parent and then disregard them or don’t pay a normal amount of attention to them.

Fifth, know your role in the “family.” Remember that you are not the parent and it is not your place to chastise or correct the child. Even if your dating partner tries to pull you into the middle of the situation, observe healthy boundaries. If the relationships (both with the parent and with the child) progress, you may feel comfortable become involved. But, do so diplomatically.

Sixth, be open with the child. Share information about who you are: your life, your background and the like. This will help you and the child to connect on a deeper level and for them to have a better understanding of where you might be coming from on different issues. Also, if the child doesn’t think you are a freak, they are more likely to be comfortable with your relationship with their divorced parent.

Seven, follow the golden rule. Treat the child like you would like to be treated if you were in their position. Try to be empathetic and understand the confusion and various pressures the child may be feeling. Remember, whatever it is that made their parent available to date you is likely to be a difficult situation for the child. Keep that in mind.

Fewer Children for Americans?

Published on: September 8, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to an article (The No-Baby Boom) by Details Magazine on Yahoo!, America is experiencing a significant decrease in the number of children being born. Generally seen as being attributable to the poor economy, children now tend to be seen as an economic liability rather than the free labor they once were when our economy was more dependent on farms. So, what is going to happen to our society if we continue to experience decline in reproduction? Is it possible that we will begin to experience significant population reduction?

3. Marriage is better for your children’s health.

Published on: February 8, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) just released new figures in December which compared the health of children in all types of living situations. The data demonstrates that children who live in the same home as their parents have a lower rate of disease and sickness. The ailments documented included asthma, vision problems, developmental delays, ADHD, and migraines. These ailments were far more present in the homes of children who live with only one parents, even when wealth and education were factored in.

Divorce is Not Always Bad for the Children

Published on: July 16, 2010 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Researchers from Montclair State University in New Jersey recently reported that, in marriages with a great deal of conflict, the notion of “staying together for the kids” might do more harm than good. The study, which was presented last year at the annual meetings of the Population Association of America, is being prepared for publication in a scientific journal.

To form their conclusions, the researchers analyzed the results of a national survey of nearly 7,000 married couples and their children living in the United States. The parents were initially surveyed in 1987 and asked questions to gauge their level of marital conflict at home, including how often they disagreed over money, household tasks, the in-laws, and multiple other hot-button issues. Then, between 1992 and 1993, both parents and children were surveyed, with researchers assessing how the parental conflict changed over the years, including whether the couple divorced. The children were surveyed a final time, as adults in 2001 and 2002, and were asked about their level of happiness and conflict in their own current relationships.

The results of the study indicate that children of parents who fight a lot yet stay married experience more conflict in their own marital relationships than children of parents who fight and get divorced. Researchers indicate that the results show that children do suffer short-term issues during crisis periods when their parents divorce, but they usually recover in the long run. Constant exposure to parental strife is most likely what causes children’s future relationships to suffer and sometimes end. In contract, parental happiness did not appear to affect the children’s adult relationships; children of happily married parents did not necessarily grow up to have happy marriages themselves.

Charlotte Dads Feeling the Same Pressure as Moms when it Comes to Family Obligations

Published on: June 25, 2010 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

This year, Father’s Day marked a new milestone for fathers across the country: they are becoming just as stressed as mothers. Last week, Boston College released a study called “The New Dad,” which suggested that new fathers are facing a subtle bias in the workplace that fails to recognize their new family responsibilities and obligations. This workplace bias assumes that mothers, rather than fathers, will be most affected by the addition of children to the family.

However, this research highlights the new challenges facing fathers: they must navigate a workplace that is typically reluctant to give them time off for family reasons. Several studies show that men, compared with their female colleagues, are less likely to take advantage of benefits like flexible schedules and family leave. The Boston College study found that when men needed to take their children to the doctor or pick them up from daycare, they tended to do so in a stealthy fashion rather than ask for a more flexible work arrangement.

Thus, fathers are now facing a social dilemma that is more often faced by mothers – finding the balance between being a good parent and a good worker. Fathers also seem more unhappy than mothers with the balancing act: In dual-income families, 59 percent of fathers report some level of “work-life conflict,” compared with about 45 percent of women, according to a 2008 report from The Families and Work Institute in New York.

Divorce Predictor #6: You have a daughter.

Published on: May 7, 2010 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

If you have a daughter rather than a son, you are nearly 5 percent more likely to divorce, according to research conducted by the Council on Contemporary Families. This statistic also multiplies with each new birth in the family. Researchers theorize that this statistic exists because fathers tend to become more invested in family life when they have boys.

Autism and Divorce

Published on: April 14, 2010 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Historically, media reports and autism advocacy groups have cited a statistic that the divorce rate in families with autistic children is approximately 80 percent. However, a new scientific analysis indicates that this figure is quite inaccurate.

The Center for Autism and Related Disorders at Kennedy Krieger Institute in Baltimore surveyed data from the 2007 National Survey of Children’s Health. After reviewing information from almost 78,000 children, both with and without autism, researchers found that autism had practically no effect on the likelihood that a child would belong to a family with two married parents.

Although research indicates that autism puts extra stress on a marriage, it does not follow logically that these families also have the highest rate of divorce. Researchers anticipate that this study will offer hope to married couples facing a diagnosis of autism in their family.

The Statistics on Motherhood

Published on: March 30, 2010 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A recent study conducted by the Pew Research Center offers a fascinating look at the changing demographics of motherhood in the United States by comparing women who gave birth in 2008 with those who gave birth in 1990, on the basis of data collected from the National Center for Health Statistics and the U.S. Census Bureau.

The highlights of the study indicate vast changes in the age, race, and marital status of the majority of mothers. First-time mothers today are older and tend to be better educated; more than half of the mothers of newborns in 2008 had at least some college education. The racial dynamics of all mothers has changed dramatically as well, with just over half of births in 2008 being to white women, and a quarter to Hispanic women. Moreover, a quarter of all birth mothers today are foreign-born. Mothers today are less likely to be white, and more likely to be unmarried. In 2008, 41% of births were to unmarried women; a notable increase from 28% of births in 1990.

Researchers note that most Americans are neutral or approving of the majority of the modern trends that have an impact on birth patterns, such as the growing number of women over 40 who have babies and the growing number of women who undergo fertility treatment to have children. Many Americans are trending toward marrying later in life or not marrying at all, contributing toward the increased rate of births outside of marriage. Although Americans have softened slightly in the traditional disapproval of unmarried parenthood, most still agree that it has a negative impact on society.