Divorce

Tips for a Better Divorce in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 19, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to recent article in Psychology Today, while divorce may be ugly for some it does not have to be that way. For many reasons splitting up happens because two people simply weren’t meant to be married. If you’re trying to find ways to be good to your ex during your divorce follow some of these steps to help keep the peace:

1. Don’t try to be friends too soon.

You’ll both need time to heal and recalibrate following a divorce and making sure that you both have a safe distance from one another will allow you to do that on your own schedule. If your relationship is going to have any chance at becoming something new and healthy that allows you to be friends and strong parenting partners, you have to let it all go first. It may feel lousy and lonely for a while but it’s the best way to move forward.

2. Write everything down
Do not assume either of you will remember or abide by the agreement no matter how friendly things are initially. Get everything down in writing so nobody is tempted to ‘forget.’ When it comes to issues of money and parenting, the more details the better. The more that’s clear the less room there will be for fights later on.

3. Outline clear and effective consequences
Agree on what happens if one person does not follow the agreement or somehow does not follow through with their promises. Like with parenting, you need to know what happens to those who break the rules.

4. Resist old patterns
Part of the relief of divorce is you are no longer responsible for your partner’s multitude of issues. The same goes for them. You both are released from one another so be released. Resist the temptation to give or seek old patterns of support.

What to do if You are Facing Divorce (According to the Huffington Post)

Published on: April 12, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article on the HuffingtonPost.com, the following steps should be taken if you see a divorce occurring in the not too distant future. These important actions can protect yourself and your future.

1. Go see an experienced North Carolina family law attorney

Many people wait too long before seeking legal advice about an impending divorce. There are things that you could be doing to protect your assets and help ensure a better outcome in the event you do have to go to trial.

2. Gather financial information and put the documents in a safe place
When you decide to get a divorce there’s a chance that money or information has been hidden. An important first step is to make copies of all the records you can get your hands on and photograph any valuable personal property. Collectibles can disappear in the heat of a nasty divorce and proof is often hard to come by. A record of all of these assets should be kept away from your home in a safe deposit box or with a friend.

3. Don’t try to hide money
Most people who try to hide assets from a spouse aren’t very good at it. If you’re caught doing so the judge may decide to rule harshly against your bad behavior or may be more inclined to believe you’ve done more that you just weren’t caught doing. Judges have a great deal of discretion in divorce cases and you always want to appear to be the “good spouse” in the judge’s eyes.

4. Don’t trash your spouse to others, especially the kids
Though it’s easy to do, it’s important for the sake of the children not to attack the other parent during a tough divorce. The same is true of mutual friends, it’s best to follow the old advice that if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all. While you may win over the kids in the short-term they will eventually see through the anger of your remarks and may sympathize with the other parent.

Divorce Rings in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: March 29, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to an odd story in the New York Times, the concept of “divorce rings” is starting to gain appeal among a certain set. What is a divorce ring you may ask? Imagine a man bent on one knee, gazing up at surprised woman. He removes a jewelry box from his jacket and hands her a diamond ring in the shape of a broken heart. “Honey, will you divorce me?”
This bizarre scenario may not be as crazy as it seems. Alice Kwartler Antiques is now selling an 18-karat gold and diamond “divorce ring,” complete with a solitaire and jagged broken heart. At $3,200, the ring might cost more than a lot of people’s wedding bands. Rather than symbolizing eternal love, this one is meant to signify that things didn’t work out.
Using rings as a symbol of marital status can be traced back to ancient times. In the modern era, there are three marital statuses: single, married, and divorced. The idea of a “divorce ring” is just another way to signal a shift in a person’s life. The breakup ring would quickly let people know that a marriage is over, just as a wedding ring says that you’re taken. The ring can help avoid tiresome conversations with people about the status of your relationship and serves as a warning sign to newcomers.

Rather than wait to receive such a ring, others might decide to purchase one for themselves as a symbol of surviving the pain of the divorce process. There’s a spirit of starting over, or renewal in the rings and buyers have been known to throw themselves divorce parties or splurge on “divorcemoons.”

Cohabitating North Carolina Couples Not More at Risk for Divorce

Published on: March 15, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article in the Christian Science Monitor, nearly half of all first marriages break up within 20 years. Some people attempt to beat the odds by testing out their relationship by living together prior to marriage. But does that actual help things or only speed along the relationship’s inevitable demise?

A new study, part of a larger marriage survey of 22,000 men and women, suggests that living together is not the kiss of death it once was thought to be. In years past, living together was a good signal regarding the poor health of an eventual relationship. The study author said that now living together prior to marriage is not as big of predictor of divorce as it used to be.

The trend towards cohabitation has been on the rise for decades. In the 1960s only about 10% of couples moved in together first. Among those they were more likely to end up divorced. Today, about 60% of couples live together before they first marry.

“It’s so common, it’s not surprising it no longer negatively affects marital stability,” said Wendy Manning, co-director of the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.

The recent study by the Centers for Disease Control happily found that those who were engaged and living together before their wedding were about as likely to have marriages that lasted 15 years as couples who had not lived together prior to marriage.

But how about those who were living together but weren’t engaged? The new study found that marriage was less likely to survive the 10 and 15-year mark among this subgroup. These findings echoed studies from years past.

Use Caution in Post-Divorce Dating

Published on: March 6, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article appearing on Yahoo.com, people emerging from a divorce may not find much luck in the dating department immediately thereafter. Though for some who had to go years without any new romance this is not only normal, it’s also healthier than a rebound relationship.

New York psychologist Leah Klungness, Ph.D. and co-author of The Complete Single Mother, says that while a divorcee may be experiencing pain and confusion following a divorce, it’s better to go through that then to numb yourself with an instant attempt to date. The distraction actually makes the healing process take longer.

As the single time drags on you may want to figure out why you’re dateless. Usually there are two main reasons for a post-divorce dating drought.

1. You’re not ready to date yet
You may feel lonely, your friends and family may try to set you up with someone but that does not mean you’re actually ready to date again. “Emotional preparedness for dating doesn’t happen magically because the final papers have been signed,” says Dr. Klungness. “Anger, bitterness, thoughts about betrayal and infidelity can linger. If these feelings aren’t worked through, they quickly surface, even in casual dating situations, and can sabotage any chance of romance.”

The best rule of thumb according to Dr. Klungness is that, “When the thought of dating starts with an ‘I should’ instead of an ‘I want,’ it’s a red flag.” Rather than rush into something you’re not really ready for, regrouping and giving yourself time to heal is the best plan. Use the time to do the things you love, concentrate on yourself and put yourself first for once.

One sign that you may be ready to date is when people start to genuinely look attractive to you. “Repeated instances of being attracted to different people suggests the authenticity of your feelings,” explains Jerald Jellison, Ph.D., author of Managing the Dynamics of Change. According to Dr. Jellison, when you’re attracted enough to consider spending time with five different people you should be ready to begin dating again.

Study says Divorce at a Young Age Hurts Worst

Published on: February 2, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A new Michigan State University study finds divorce at a younger age hurts people’s health more than divorce later in life. Study author and sociology professor Dr. Hui Liu said the findings, published in the journal Social Science & Medicine, suggest older people have more coping skills to deal with the incredible stress that results from a divorce.

Liu said the findings indicate that there ought to be “more social and family support for the younger divorced groups.” Liu suggested that this might include “divorce counseling to help people handle the stress, or offering marital therapy or prevention programs to maintain marital satisfaction.”

Liu analyzed the self-reported health status of some 1,282 participants in a long-term national survey. She measured the gap in overall health between those who remained married during the 15-year study period and those who transitioned from marriage to divorce and at what age.

Liu found the gap was wider at younger ages. For example, among people born in the 1950s, those who got divorced between the ages of 35 and 41 reported more health problems in relation to their continuously married counterparts than those who got divorced in the 44 to 50 age range. Researchers were surprised to learn that divorce appears to have a more negative health impact for baby boomers than for individuals in older generations. Liu said she would have expected divorce to be less impactful for younger generations because divorce is so much more common among their age cohorts.

Liu offered an explanation for the difference. Perhaps because the pressure to stay married is so strong among older generations only those with the unhappiest marriages actually moved for divorce and thus, felt relief when the divorce was finalized.

The study confirmed something we mentioned in a previous post (Divorce Can Kill), that those who went from marriage to divorce experienced a generally more rapid health decline than those who remained married. It’s good to hear that those who remained divorced during the entire study period showed no difference with those who remained married.

Understanding the Importance of a Prenuptial Agreement in North Carolina

Published on: January 31, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Though most people would agree that marriage is a big step, representing a major life change, very few people understand the magnitude of the decision both legally and financially. People forget that marriage is, after all, a contract entered into by two people and it entails many of the same pitfalls as any other contractual relationship.

One of the things that many people may not realize is that even if one spouse contributes disproportionately more assets or income to the marital partnership, all of the assets likely eventually become merged into one marital pie where the lesser contributing spouse is entitled to half. This means one spouse could possibly walk away with a disproportionately larger share of the assets than they contributed. When couples agree to marry they typically are agreeing to relinquish half of your accumulated assets, something most newlyweds seldom think about. Some couples, likely those who marry young, may not have any appreciable assets. So, it may not be such a concern for them. However, those who have accumulated assets should give careful consideration to the business aspect of their marriage.

People take a business-like approach to other major events with potentially important financial implications like buying a house or a car. Yet when it comes to marriage, rarely is research conducted or fine print examined. A prenuptial agreement is an obvious way to protect yourself and watch out for both parties’ financial wellbeing. However, many people dismiss the idea as either being a sign of lack of genuine affection or as something only used by the ultra-wealthy. Neither is true.

A recent poll by Harris Interactive showed that when asked nearly half of divorced people said they wish they had a prenup when they married. Forty-four percent of single adults say they would want a prenup and yet only about 5% of couples actually go through with it. Why the disconnect?

Divorce and Social Security Benefits in North Carolina

Published on: January 24, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

For many elderly Americans Social Security benefits are a critical component of their retirement plan. If you’re a baby boomer in charge of monitoring your parents’ finances or a retiree you should be aware that under certain circumstances it’s possible you might be receiving less than you should. If a woman is divorced or has been married more than once, or a woman’s husband delayed taking Social Security, she might be entitled to a bigger monthly benefit than she is currently receiving. Though the difference may not be huge, it could be critically important to someone with a limited or fixed income.

Discussing the ramifications of divorce on Social Security payments is fairly standard practice nowadays. That wasn’t always the case, however, and many older couples might never have been counseled on the possible impact.

Though the problems are faced by both men and women, the fact that women typically earn less over their working lives means that they are more likely to be collecting less in benefits then they may be entitled to due to earnings of a former spouse. This is because of rules which say an individual is entitled to collect Social Security benefits based on his or her own earnings history, or 50% of his or her spouse or former spouse’s benefit, if it is greater than his or her own, and 100% if the former spouse is deceased.

There are a few rules in order for this to apply to divorced couples: 1) the marriage must have lasted 10 years or longer, and 2) the individual seeking a former spouse’s benefit must currently be unmarried, unless the second (or third, or fourth…) marriage occurred after the age of 60.

A great example of this is as follows: your parents were married in the 1950s, your dad worked hard and your mom worked hard raising kids and working part-time at relatively low paying jobs when time allowed. Your parents later divorced and your mom’s Social Security benefit is now $800 per month while your dad’s stands at $2,000 per month. Rather than continue collecting the $800, your mother is actually entitled to collect $1,000 per month if your dad is still alive and the full $2,000 if he is deceased. As an added benefit, if the Social Security Administration determines a spouse is eligible for increased benefits then that person will receive retroactive benefits going back six months. It does not matter whether the spouse with the higher benefit remarried and getting this increase does not require their cooperation. The Social Security Administration has all the necessary information and makes the determination based on its own records.

As Some States Slow Divorce, Others Kick It Into Gear

Published on: January 17, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

As we mentioned in a post last week (Some States Try to Slow Down Divorce), some states have made a move toward lengthening their divorce process in the name of looking out for the best interest of children. The Wall Street Journal reports that New Jersey is evidently not as concerned with such things. In fact, New Jersey is set to become the East Coast version of Vegas.

Legislation is currently sitting on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s desk which would turn this into a reality. The bill, if signed, would make it easier to get married in the state and would also expedite the process of getting a divorce.

The bill was passed by both houses of the New Jersey Legislature on Monday and would eliminate a mandatory 72-hour waiting period for a marriage or civil union license. The speed comes at a cost, however. The bill would see the cost of a marriage license rise to $60 from $28. Additionally, the bill would allow couples to annul a marriage within 30 days without the need to go to a court. Specific details on how the annulment process would function are still being hammered out. Currently, 29 states have no waiting period for a marriage license, but only two -Connecticut and Rhode Island – are in the Northeast.

The current rules in New Jersey require those who want an uncontested divorce to wait at least six months. The number is reduced to three months if the couple can demonstrate that the marriage is not working and that there has been fault.

The new bill has its fans and its detractors. Some believe it will bring more visitors to the state, increase revenue and be a generally positive change for New Jersey. Others say it cheapens the sanctity of marriage and will lead to increased family problems in the state.

Some States Try to Slow Down Divorce Process

Published on: January 12, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

If you want a divorce in Colorado, you might have to wait a bit longer than before. A new bill is heading to the state legislature for approval that seeks to add even more steps to the already complicated divorce process.

State Senator Kevin Lundberg is the primary backer of the legislation. The Republican says child safety is the reason behind instituting the bill. “When there are kids involved, I believe that it is in the states best interest to ensure that the couple understands and considers what impact this has on their children,” Lundberg said.

Lundberg’s bill would require couples to undergo a six-hour training session on how children are impacted by their parents calling it quits. Though current state law dictates that parents attend a similar session, it’s not nearly as in-depth.

Colorado attorney Catherine Burkey said, “When a case is initiated, then the people are ordered to go and attend a parenting class.” The primary difference with this new bill is that couples will now have to wait after completing the course. “There will be a period of months that they will wait before proceeding with the divorce,” Lundberg said.

Some divorce attorney’s agree that the proposed bill is a smart move. “This method of education is the best way that I know of at this point,” Burkey said. She anticipates that not everyone will be in favor of the bill, however.

Grand Junction Counseling, a group that specializes in helping families, says the more understanding parents have, the better. “Not only do you have the couple that’s going through this divorce, you have children going through a divorce. For the sake of the children I think it’s valuable,” Counselor, Stephen Anthony said.