Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How long does getting a divorce take?”
In our continuing series of articles based on the piece by Ronnie Tyler about seven important reasons to end a bad relationship, we have now reached the third bit of advice. The first reason Tyler gives to consider getting out of a bad marriage is because you deserve better. The second is that your children deserve better. Now for number three: because your spouse won’t change (at least not in the time that you want them to).
This third reason can be a very difficult one for some people to come to grips with. This is especially the case for Type A individuals who are used to exerting control over their lives and those around them. You might think that if you just nag your spouse long enough or insist that some behaviors change then they will finally cave and decide to shape up.
Sadly, that is seldom the case. By the time most people reach marrying age, they have begun to find out who they are and, more importantly, who they are not. Personality habits begin to become deeply ingrained and it can be difficult if not impossible to make wholesale changes in behavior. Though small shifts are always possible, the fact is overnight miracles are seldom ever seen.
The problem with nagging or fighting about making changes is that not only does it seldom work; it actually leads to more problems that can create a downward spiral in a relationship. The more one spouse feels under attack, the less likely they are to want to change. Frequently a dangerous and destructive stalemate arises, with one spouse becoming increasingly defensive and the other becoming increasingly critical. Rather than lead to positive growth, this shuts down crucially important lines of communication.
Another fact that couples must come to grips with is that everyone only has the power to change themselves. No amount of begging or bartering can force a fundamental change in another person. If you are waiting on such a change to fix your marriage, you might find yourself waiting for a very long time. Rather than waste valuable time and energy trying to change your spouse, it’s much better to refocus on yourself and your own happiness.
If you find yourself facing a complicated family matter then you need the help of experienced child custody lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina who can help guide you through the often confusing process.
Source:
“Relationship Wreck: 7 Reasons to Get Out of a Bad Marriage NOW,” by Ronnie Tyler, published at Yahoo.com.
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